We've heard it all before, whether it involves a romantic relationship or sex, us women are not unaccustomed to the age old idea that male kindness and attention warrants some sort of debt to men.
He's your closest friend, he listens to all your problems, he's always there for you. Now when he asks you for a committed relationship you feel obligated to say yes, because God forbid you put him in the friend zone.
He asks you on a date, you go out to eat, he pays for your meal, you kiss in his car and everything is fine until he starts asking for more, and suddenly you feel trapped because he won't stop insisting that you have a duty to finish the job, and after all, he did pay for the meal.
When did compassion become synonymous with foreplay? When did generosity equate some sort of debt to be paid?
The fact of the matter is, women for too long have felt it their job to oblige men in order to avoid hostility, for in truth that's what the latter is met with; resentment and conflict. We would rather swallow our wishes and go through with what makes uncomfortable than be pigeonholed as one of those girls.
But I'm here to say that it's okay to be one of those girls. It's okay because you don't owe him anything.
You don't owe him your love, your body, your time, or anything else for that matter. If he buys you dinner, his money doesn't also buy him sex. If he's always supporting you, his helpfulness does not entitle him to your love. Even if you kiss him back, even if he's a "nice guy", even if you say yes and then decide to say no, you are not constrained to his wants.
This idea that it's rude to not return the feeling towards him, to waste his kindness, to take his time and give nothing in return, to not put out if you got him going is absurd.
You can't control how you feel, what you want, or how comfortable or uncomfortable you are. It's not a variable conscious decision one can simply make. It's not your fault for not wanting what he's insisting on offering.
So why should you be antagonized for what's out of your control? Why should your desires come second to his?
The answer is they shouldn't.
So go ahead, tell him he's always been like a brother to you, and you have no romantic interest in him. Tell him you wanted a kiss and nothing more. Tell him you appreciate the time and money spent but you would like to decline his offer. Tell him maybe you were once interested but now you're not. You could even just simply tell him no and leave it at that, because you as an autonomous individual have every right to it.
Your only obligation is to you. Don't ever let yourself come second to anyone else. You owe him nothing, but yourself everything.
