I've spent most of my adult life in long term relationships. Consequently, dating apps were rarely on my phone. Every millennial knows about Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble, and I was no exception. Much of what I heard was from my friends--most who are women--and from the clickbait-esque articles that spell out the dating app experience. It's no secret that too many men set a low bar in how they treat the platforms and the women they interact with through the platforms. When I gave the apps a shot this spring to meet new women, I was also in for a disappointing shock. Before you tear me to shreds for this unpopular take, allow me to disclaim that there are exceptions, and I have interacted with and met amazing women through these apps. But the problems I came across over the last two months where recurring, so I will address them since this perspective isn’t readily acknowledged (at least not well).

• 1.Ditch the Snapchat filters

The only excuse to justify uploading a snap filter photo is that the filter was accidentally turned on when you took that once-in-a-lifetime photo with that celebrity or on that exciting vacation you want to show off. And yet the apps are saturated with lazy selfies taken in the comfort of bedrooms with filters which obscure the person. Some profiles exclusively upload these pointless pictures. Honorable mention for those who upload only one or two photos.

• 2.Enough with the boat

We get it—you want a man with a boat. Some of you are joking, some of you are not, and most of you aren’t making it clear if you’re joking. Left!

• 3.I support sex workers *who don’t spam these platforms and break the terms of service*

Last time I used the apps, OnlyFans didn’t exist in the mainstream. But upon downloading these apps in 2022, I had to learn not to waste my finite swipes on sex workers who only want to add subscribers. Protip: “I set my location to close by” followed by 1,000 miles away is not the vibe.

• 4.“Swipe if you’re under 6 feet tall”

This sounds like a non-issue that incels dwell on but I discovered women actually write this on the regular. Joke, not a joke, it’s tacky. Someone I recently came across wrote “I’m 5’7” and want somebody taller.” I wouldn’t dare write that I’m 136 pounds and want somebody lighter, whether the preference is true or not. Delete it and Google “body shaming” to educate yourself before composing a new bio.

• 5.“I probably won’t message you/I’m on Insta more”

Thanks for the warning. Protip: you can hide or even delete your profile so you won’t be bothered. Left!

• 6.The broken

Breakups suck, bad relationships suck, etc. I’ve read anecdotes from women about men who use the first date to vent about their exes and it never goes well. So why do so many women jump ahead of the first date and make it their bio? Thanks for being up front, at least.

• 7.No full-body pics

Without diminishing the seriousness of body image issues, you can’t expect much with a few facial close ups. Go look at people selling used cars online; it’s never just three pictures of the steering wheel. I’m not equating humans to used cars, but we are making impressions.

• 8.Clichés

In 2016, making fun of guys uploading pics of them fishing was in vogue. Fast forward to 2022, and almost all the women on these apps a.) are not looking for anything serious (just their future husband), b.) like rooftop bars, or c.) upload pics of them fishing. Tell me who lowered the bar in this area.

• 9.Electronic one-night stands

Particularly with Bumble, please don’t message us if you don’t plan on following up. That’s the entire point of that platform. You don’t have to message us after we match, and we cannot message you first. Use it to your advantage.

• 10.No Hookups Allowed

You’re allowed to not want hookups. But other people are allowed to want them. I’ve come across women who openly admit it. So why do other women condescend to men who want that? Protip: you might be happier on Hinge. Each platform has its respective culture.

Straight women have the advantage over straight men on these apps. That’s no excuse to get apathetic in your profile.