Lately I’ve been questioning this. I’ve been questioning why I keep attracting guys who are unavailable, only seeking to have a fun time and then retreating back to their previously scheduled lives. What is it about me that shouts, “Hey, let’s have fun,” and then, “You’ll shortly realize you’re better off without me…” It hurts to feel like I don’t have value to go along with my flesh. It hurts to feel like I’ll never be anything more – like the only isle I’ll ever walk down contains wine and cocktail mixes.
And then the realization occurred and I asked myself, Am I a banana leaf hut in the coastal waters of Fiji? Am I just a vacation spot?
I realize how this analogy sounds and it is silly, but honestly, think about it. Do you see yourself as a beautiful place for a guy to retreat to and relax, a place where he can escape life, a place that caters to him and knows at some point he has to go? Do you give anything to see someone smile all the while exhausting yourself from the task of caring for your own needs and wants? My hand has been raised on this for a long time – guilty as charged.
Romantic relationships are the biggest mirrors we can hold up to ourselves. Being with someone in this way is ultimately a form of viewing ourselves through another person’s eyes. We can see our flaws so clearly, and we can also see where we have strength. This being the case, always feeling like I’m being left behind and not taken seriously only points to one thing – that I believe it, too. These feelings are showing me my low self-esteem and my lack of self-love and respect. Somewhere deep inside, I must believe that I’m not worthy of a relationship, or maybe it’s me who is unavailable and somehow finds comfort in being the easy breezy go to for fun and no commitment type of gal. But in either case, I realize that in order for my prospects of isle walking to increase, change has to happen, and it has to begin with me.
My plan of action is to start using a daily affirmation along the lines of, “I’m an estate, I am a castle, I am not a flimsy vacation hut.”
I am strong and last lifetimes. I am a worthy home. I’m a place where a life can be built. I’m certain you, dear reader, are already ahead of me on the ways this analogy could go. It catches on quickly, right?!
A house can be beautiful on the outside and yet the interior could be dilapidated. When we start feeling bad in a relationship that’s when we need to start redecorating or maybe even reconstructing the floor plans on the inside of our minds and hearts. We have to work on our self-esteem, find what is truly great about ourselves, and hold onto our own value and self-worth. I’m certain that by doing this it will lead the universe to send the right person home to us and leave the vacationers to their travels.
