We are lucky to live in a time where tolerance is at the forefront as a social movement. So many things are occurring that we can take part in, and be able to look back on decades from now and see that we were on the right side of history. We have been able to look back at the mistakes of the past that came in the form of racism, bigotry, sexism, and other matters of the like and learn how not to handle things.
I can't think of any time in history where so many movements were taking shape, all at the same time. We've got the Black Lives Matter movement, the Body Positivity movement, the ongoing battle for women's equality, the everlasting struggle for the LGBTQ community, the environmentalist movement, the anti-Wall Street movement, and the list goes on. And these aren't all new things; they're ongoing vestiges of prior attempts at making the world a better and more equitable place for all. The end of everyone's struggles (at least, in this country) may be within closer reach than ever before, and I'm thankful to be here to witness it.
But there is a particular part of all of the movements toward tolerance that hasn't settled quite so well with me, and it is just a small piece of the Body Positivity movement.
Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'd like to make it clear that I am all for people loving themselves, loving their bodies, and being able to live happy and full lives, just the same as everyone else, without dealing with ridicule and discrimination. I love that toy companies are working to be more mindful of the range of body types that people have, and incorporating a touch of sensitivity into their products so girls and boys of all shapes and sizes can relate to something and feel normal. Every child deserves that, as does every adult. I love the rise in "plus sized" models and movie stars. I love that we are expanding our vision, and making the world more inclusive.
The thing I don't love is the expectation that all of society will joyfully embrace what is often an unhealthy lifestyle choice.
Before anyone loses their mind over this, please understand that I know full well that being overweight is not always a choice. I know people on a personal level who are genetically predisposed to be overweight, or who struggle with thyroid issues, PCOS, and other often incurable health problems that make weight loss a struggle, if not an impossibility. But the cold hard truth of the matter is that more often than not, and significantly so, being overweight or obese is a direct result of unhealthy habits.
And, once again, don't get me wrong: I am not saying that people choose to be fat. But people do make the choice to not make better decisions regarding their health, or don't seek treatment for their addiction. Food addiction is a real thing, and it is a real problem.
No one would outwardly praise a heroin addict, or willingly embrace their illness, and I think the same can be said for all addictions, including addiction to food.
Does that mean that people, regardless of what they look like, shouldn't be able to walk down the street without being harassed for their appearance? Absolutely not. Not ever. It is literally no one else's business to butt in and give their two cents. I would never, ever walk up to an overweight person and take it upon myself to make crude comments, or give out unwarranted advice. I don't know their situation or their struggle. Even as a person who was once overweight, who worked tirelessly to become more healthy and happy with myself, methods I used to lose weight may do nothing for another person, because everyone's body is different. My general philosophy about people is that as long as they are not inflicting any kind of harm on anyone else, then they should be left alone.
But sometimes, people who want to be left alone about it are the most outspoken in the crowd, and draw the most negative attention to the cause.
What brought on my urge to talk about this is a fairly old, formerly viral YouTube video that recently started trending once again, and popped up in my Facebook feed. And, it angered me just as much as the first time I saw it. And not for the reasons you'd think.
Here's the video:
The premise of the video is a pretty girl who posts pictures of her actual (thin) self on tinder, but then turns around and wears a fat suit on the dates she gets to prove how shallow guys are.
Yes, some of the guys in the video are jerks who literally walk away without saying anything, or shift around, noticeably uncomfortable, or make some fairly tasteless comments. But that's not the real problem, and not what makes me angry.
Here's the real problem: She lied. She LIED. Misleading pictures are lies, and purposefully giving false expectations to other people is just as uncool as the reactions she receives.
Some guys are shallow, yes, and some are just general jerks, but by and large, people simply have their preferences. And there is nothing wrong with that. We cannot change what is ingrained in our brains that makes us attracted to certain people.
As a girl who is nearly 5'10", I prefer taller guys. If a guy on tinder (I'd never use tinder, but you know) claimed to be 6'5" and then showed up to a date standing at 5'4", I'd be upset for the fact that he lied.
Some people just are not attracted physically to people who are overweight. That's okay. Some people love blondes, or brunettes, or redheads. That's fine. Preferences are completely normal. We all have general "types."
You can't fight people on this. It won't work.
It is absolutely not fat shaming to simply not be attracted to large women. If you're a large woman, or man for that matter, you cannot expect everyone to be interested in you, regardless of if it is a genetic/health issue or just food addiction. But what's most important is that it shouldn't matter to you. There ARE people who will be attracted to you. Give your attention to them, and don't waste your time on the rest.
