I’ve never been a fan of labels. They’re limiting, they’re conclusive, and they’re often annoyingly arbitrary and highly unnecessary.
Society, however, is obsessed with labels. Because we like decisiveness.
We want to know exactly what gender you’re attracted to and identify with – all the time, without exception – because we want to tell you who to love and which bathroom you can use. We want to know specifically what race you are, so we can check off a predetermined box and pat ourselves on the back for achieving standardized diversity. And we want to definitively know if you’re in or out of a committed relationship, so we can judge your behaviors and deem them (and you) socially and morally (in)appropriate.
We like to categorize and organize. And as a Type A, I totally get it.
But truth is, humans aren’t that simple. And we shouldn’t stifle ourselves because of someone else’s desire to organize his or her life in rigid, archaic boxes. Our sexualities are fluid, our races are beautiful and messy mixtures, and our relationship statuses and behaviors are incredibly personal and private.
All that said, I’ve also come to find that there are two appropriate times and places for labels: with every purchase from The Container Store, and whenever you see them fit – for yourself.
I hate the limbo stages in life. I hate the "one foot in, one foot out" casual commitment that – at its core – actually lacks commitment itself. And while I have no problem with someone else living his or her entire life in limbo (props to you, you fluid, transient, free-spirited soul), I simply can’t do it.
Especially with relationships.
You know that person you’re sort of dating, but sort of not? No one has used the words boyfriend or girlfriend, but you’re both flirting with the idea of exclusivity?
Oh yeah – that.
This little “in between” is torture. It’s frustrating not knowing what you two are, what you’re doing, or if they feel the same way. I despise the lack of verbal commitment because there’s no confirmation that pouring your soul into them will be appreciated and reciprocated. Because it hasn’t always been.
And LOL at the idea of making ourselves vulnerable and being the first one to utter words of voluntary commitment. That’ll be the day.
It’s important to ask questions about those labels and to have conversations about what they mean – or don’t mean – to each of you. In using those labels, we free ourselves of so much doubt. We no longer foster the anxiety and breed the uncertainty.
We don’t have to wonder: Is he into this? Am I doing OK? Am I texting too much? Why hasn’t he called? Is he going to walk away?
We simply know.
Yeah, he’s into it. We’re both doing just fine, and we text the perfect amount. He hasn’t called yet, and he definitely won’t walk away. Because we’ve talked about it, and because he’s told me so – and I told him the same. Because we’re dating, we’re committed, we’re exclusive, and we’re whatever else we’ve decided we do or don't want to be.
Because the beauty of self-labeling is that you get to create, administer, and define (and continually redefine) the labels – however you want.
And while I have no business telling you what label suits you best, a little self-labeling can create some serious comfort and confidence amidst a world of vagueness and uncertainty. So, think about it.
The label maker is in your hands. Use it wisely.
– Someone's New Girlfriend
