There is a hard realization that comes along with knowing you’re not wanted somewhere. Whether it be at a party or some situation that’s out of your hands, it still hurts. It makes you question everything that got you to that point. What did I do wrong? Where did I make a mistake? Why it always me who gets left behind?
Sometimes I think about how the movie Funny Girl really ruined me for whatever bit of self-confidence I had. I love Fanny Brice, I relate to her and the title song makes me weep into the wee hours of the morning. Much like myself, Fanny ends up alone and remembering how people told her she was a ‘funny girl’, reducing her to one aspect of her personality.
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It’s fun when people reduce you to being funny, truly. It’s a great adventure in “is that all I’m worth? A good laugh?” But knowing you’re not wanted around, that hurts worse than just being funny. I know because I’ve experienced both. I’ve been kept around because I’m funny and I’ve clearly been the girl that no one wanted around.
In college, my ‘friends’ just pretended like they weren’t hanging out with each other despite being together at the time so that I wouldn’t ask to join them. It was a real self-esteem boost! Having your friends hang out and just not tell you to avoid you being there is amazing.
What sucks about the 21st century is that you know when people hang out without you. It’s on every form of social media, taunting you and telling you that people don’t want you around.
When I was younger and this happened to me, my mom told me that some people are going to love me and some are going to hate me and there isn’t really anything I can do about it but just to be myself. So I try to stay true to who I am but who doesn’t get hurt when people make plans near you but don’t extend that invitation to you?
Being forgotten or not wanted places has perpetuated this idea of being a home-body as a good thing. Your friends don’t invite you out? No worries, go home to your movies and everything will be okay. It’s led to many nights where I sit on my couch and cry over Chris Pine movies rather than going out and living life like a normal 24 year-old.
For example, last Friday I lied on my couch and sobbed over If I Stay when I could have gone out and talked to friends because I was in a mood that screamed to me that I wasn’t wanted there. Why did this mood come about you ask? Probably years of being ignored.
It gets bad even in work scenarios. A group of people go out to lunch or drinks without me? What did I do wrong?
It’s also a weird concept we put upon ourselves like we’re the ones to blame, not the people being assholes and not inviting us places. Countless times, I say that I’m the reason I didn’t get the invite and I’m the reason that I’m not wanted places because I’m too much to handle. I don’t ever say “Wow, that guy was an asshole for not inviting me but asking all my friends to go”. It’s always on me.
So I’m going to start doing what I wish Fanny Brice had done at the end of Funny Girl. I’m going to encourage myself and all other girls like to me tell themselves that their worth every relationship they have, that they should be invited everywhere because they’re amazing girls and they shouldn’t think down upon themselves because some assholes didn’t want to invite them.
This world is terrible most the time and we all need to stop making it worse for ourselves.
So here’s my quick little steps to getting over when someone doesn’t invite you out or to a party: 1. Grab yourself a nice bottle of wine 2. Invite your friends over who make you feel important 3. Get cozy 4. Put on your favorite movie and just enjoy time with those people who enjoy having you around.
