I write my articles to be geared towards the university/campus audience, but of course, I welcome those of all ages, genders, and backgrounds to read my ramblings. However, for those of you college students, it is almost time to get back to school and what better way to impress your friends and let them know that you are better and healthier than them than to find an increasingly-popular restrictive diet to make yourself miserable with. However, finding the latest and greatest way to redefine your eating and make life possibly more difficult than it needs to be (in the guise of simplicity by elimination) is not as easy as it used to be. No, whereas the olden days had just one diet craze/phase at a time, such as just the low-carb or just the low-fat, now we have a veritable buffet of hashtag-able meal plans to choose from that best fit the way nature would have all of us eat. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to expose you to some of the most popular ones out there now, as well as the research that has been done surrounding it.

Don't get me wrong, some of these diets have shown beneficial results in studies. I will present those here. However, I will present at the end why you don't have to follow one of these diets like a religion to eat in a healthful way. After all, we all know that those who can't afford to hand-pick designer foods at whatever cost cannot actually survive and thrive without following one of these specific food rule plans. (That was sarcasm, just to clarify.)

"Keto" (The Ketogenic Diet)

The ketogenic diet is a form of the low-carbohydrate diet, like the Atkins' diet that created its own line of food around the early 2000s (I was a wee young lass then, my years could be slightly off). However, the ketogenic diet takes it a step further and focuses on getting the most energy from fats rather than carbohydrates or protein. The Atkins' diet did not really restrict protein, as most bodybuilders and clinical dietitians would usually agree on the importance of protein in the body for things like your muscles, one of which is your heart… However, the ketogenic diet has provided some beneficial results for clinical applications in juvenile epilepsy and advanced cancer. The ketogenic diet induces something called ketosis, which is kind of like a mild form of ketoacidosis (what can be dangerous for diabetics) that occurs when the body thinks it is in starvation. It causes fat to be burned, as supported by weight loss results in some studies. However, more studies need to be conducted to confirm the safety of this diet, particularly for cardiovascular health and other potential side effects in the long term, as well as how likely weight is to return. My humble opinion is that this could be a viable therapy option for epilepsy or worth bringing it up with your oncology dietitian. However, if I did not have either of these conditions, I would rather lose weight if I had to without forbidding bread and other healthy whole grains. After all, Jesus did not say that he was the "bulletproof coffee" of life. (Eww.)

"Paleo" (The Paleolithic Diet)

Oh, what a delight this one is. After all, if there's one group of people I think "Yes. That is the life I want," it is the cavemen. Getting back to nature and the diet of our ancestors. I mean, if you think about it, everybody in the last 10,000 years or so has died after eating a diet of grains, potatoes, and dairy products. But the cavemen? Oh wait, they died too. But that diet is much more suited for our bodies! As if avoiding prepackaged items like boxed mac and cheese or foods out of a can wasn't enough, this diet excludes items that must be farmed. That's right, no yogurt or sweet potatoes either. But don't worry, that wouldn't have fit in with your ketogenic diet anyway, and yogurt and sweet potatoes don't actually do anything good for your body (but calcium and vitamin A and probiotics and-?). So basically, the Paleo diet is eating like a hunter-gatherer. Could you feasibly find this in nature and pick it up / hunt it down? Good. Go hunt it down at your local Walmart. Like a caveman would. Nothing processed like dairy or flour or salt or sugar or oils or the like. Don't worry, there have actually been some benefits associated with the Paleolithic diet, including improved cardiovascular markers and risk factors, as well as one study suggesting benefits for those with type 2 diabetes.

Whole 30

Whoa. It's a diet with literally a list of rules for what not to eat for 30 days, including a list of exceptions for what you can eat in this 30 day period. Nothing says sustained weight loss like buying a whole new pantry specifically for one month with no allowance for "cheating." Besides, how trustworthy is a diet if they don't have a book or four to sell you, am I right??

But don't worry, it's super simple. You just can't eat any natural or artificial sweeteners, alcohol, grains, legumes, dairy, carrageenan, MSG, sulfites, baked or pre-made foods. (But legumes are a lean protein and have fiber and-?) There are also exceptions. Dairy is allowed only if it is in the form of "clarified butter" (what?) and fruit juices are allowed, and three legumes: green beans, sugar snap peas, and snow peas. Also, vinegar, coconut aminos (again, what?), and salt are allowed. See? Super easy. Just read this helpful PDF from their website (chock-full of phrases that could trigger more of my delightful commentary if you present it to me in person) to get the dish on a life-changing diet that can solve a cornucopia of health problems.

Mediterranean Diet

The Mediterranean diet is basically a different style of eating. It does not necessarily banish foods, but it is an eating style that includes fewer meats and carbohydrates, and a lot more of the fats coming from oils like olive oil. Whereas Americans may think of the recommended style of eating as "MyPlate," the Mediterranean diet is a style of eating with slightly different ratios and recommendations for food items, such as more fish than red meats or eggs. This style of eating has been associated with favorable cardiovascular effects, which is not surprising given what we know and even recommend as Americans regarding intake of dietary saturated fat. The eating style tends to replace saturated fats with oils (unsaturated fats). I personally like this option better out of all the others because it intrinsically leans towards not being extreme. The very first link provides recommendations for those trying out this style of eating to ensure enough consumption of iron, calcium, as well as other concerns to consider.

Veganism/Vegetarianism

I've already written an article on how veganism or vegetarianism is not instantly synonymous with health, but I list it again because I still hear people make comments such like "People get frustrated at me being vegetarian/vegan because they feel bad that they don't eat as healthy as I do." It's totally fine if you are vegan or vegetarian - others are probably just frustrated that they have to make you a separate cake. I stated in my other article how veganism or vegetarianism can have health benefits. But I shall repeat - it does not necessarily mean that your diet is healthier than theirs. No need to disavow animal products for the sole purpose of "health." You can eat healthily and still eat animal products. Humans have done it for centuries (hey, the cavemen did it! #paleo).

[Insert Brand Here]

If you are replacing real food for a beverage or supplement sold by the same company that sells expensive Saran wrap in the name of true "nutrition" and health, I say that our ancestors have lived for years without these brands and magic formulas. Going back to another Biblical nutrition example, when Daniel refused to eat the king's food, he didn't say, "Hold up King Nebuchadnezzar. I'm a distributor for [insert pyramid scheme] This stuff will help you lose weight, your energy will soar, those headaches will go away, you'll stop having those bad dreams, this stuff's a miracle, man." It was real food that left them healthier than those eating the indulgent food of the king. There are several "health/nutrition" brands out there, and little to none of the brands I've researched have ever left a good taste in my mouth. (Not literally, I wouldn't want to actually use that stuff.)

Cleanses and Detoxes

(For those of you trying to reinvent the wheel?)

Wow, your body is so lucky that you care about your health. Otherwise, if you didn't take specific and drastic actions, like cleanses and detoxes, how else would your body ever get the toxins out? Besides, since you're so worried about the pesticides and preservatives that haven't been definitively proven to cause drastic harm to your health, I'm sure you've never had any alcohol, a substance unnecessary to the body and that actually does kind of function as a toxin… If you didn't hand-pick only the items that have been tested to turn a certain value on the pH scale in the body, why, you would turn into a veritable lemon with all that acidity! And your food won't digest itself unless you drink kombucha every day to add some probiotics in there. Also, where else would you get all those vitamins, minerals, and other substances you take supplements for if you didn't take those tablets three times a day? Food? After all, even the foods that have those substances don't have the concentrated amount in those tablets, and the more the merrier, am I right? What could possibly go wrong?

Oh wait, most humans have a liver and kidneys and buffers in the blood and gut bacteria (for those who choose not to cleanse it all away) and most people just eat real food already naturally prepackaged to have safe amounts and combinations of all those vitamins and minerals anyway…

In Conclusion…

All this to say, there's actually some patterns in all these fad diets, and I think there is good reason to forego a rigid set of rules and use it as a wake-up call for a lot of our American diets. First off, people are surviving and finding health benefits from various types of diets whether in America, the Mediterranean, or elsewhere in the world. It's incredible how food consistently nourishes us when our diets can vary so greatly. In addition, some eating styles work better for some than others. However, a lot of these diets place an emphasis on inclusion of more vegetables in the diet. Maybe Americans are eating a little too much red meat and refined grains. Without selling your soul to one of these sets of rules, use them as a springboard for ideas of eating that may provide benefits for your health. So often on TV (and in real life) you find extremes of eating. There is the one person who only eats salads and veggies and is on a diet, and then there's the one who doesn't really care and prides his or herself on being a bona fide carnivore. Power to the both of you, but you don't have to be one side or the other. I like the trend of "meatless Monday" or taking one day a week to try making meals that use another protein source, such as beans. Or more generally, I would encourage a focus on inclusion of more plant products and less sugars, salts, and saturated fats in our foods. Choosing the vegetarian option at a restaurant, or making a meal with little to no grains can often lead to inclusion of more vegetables and plant products than would otherwise be included. It doesn't mean you're ditching meat or carbs or dairy for good.

That said, let's quit associating some of the recommended dietary changes like inclusion of more vegetables, less grains, and less saturated fats, with one particular diet. Consult with an expert, not a list of rules. What works for you may not work for your neighbor, and that list of rules may not even work for you. There's no need to feel bad when you can't perfectly adhere to that diet because it is not the one and only way towards healthful eating.

I hope you were able to filter through what was sarcasm, and I hope you find the *perfect* back-to-school diet. You'll be the envy of all your bread-eating friends.