Everything is fine until someone is about to approach me. My skin becomes both cold and hot at the same time until I feel like I'm not in my own body. Suddenly I can't concentrate on anything, except for the person coming towards me.

No longer do I feel like I am living. I'm just observing now.

My deafening thoughts are bouncing around in my head until I can't control them. What if I say the wrong thing? I can guarantee I will. What if they think I'm acting weird? They do. Do they even like me? Maybe not.

Just breathe.

They ask me what I did today, and I have no idea what to say because it was nothing out of the ordinary. I think heavily until I realize I'm taking too long to react. Do I look confused?

I'm drowning.

I respond with something vague but did it make sense? I think I said the same thing twice. Did I? Oh God, why am I like this? Maybe I should slow down to make sure I enunciate.

What if they are bored with this conversation? Maybe I should go back to speaking faster but then I wouldn't make sense. Shit, I wasn't listening.

I think they said something along the lines of going out to eat with friends. I wish I could do that without being anxious.

They are staring at me and nodding to confirm that they are waiting to hear my thoughts. What's my opinion? Come up with something quick!

I say, "That's cool!", but I realize that I don't really sound interested. I add more to my comment but it came out in small stutters. This always happens.

Okay, now focus more on what they're saying. Great, here comes more people.

And sweat.

We all group up, just another group talk where I'm the quiet one. Just breathe.

I should be maintaining eye contact to show that I am listening, but where do I look if I'm not really a part of the conversation anymore? Do they think that I'm a horrible listener?

I can't help it.

I wish I was in my bed.

I chime in finally, but they don't really acknowledge my quiet voice. I wish I had a voice that didn't blend in with the noise.

Act like you don't care too much. But... I do.

I'm trying. I'm falling apart.

Breathe in, breathe out. Remember they are not judging you. So what if they are? You don't really care if they are, do you?

You look too serious, relax!

I am more than this. I know.