After a week out of the country (which I will be writing about very soon), I'm glad to be back in the States to tell you all about another one of my close encounters with female kind. As I explained in my first post here on Odyssey, I've got what I feel is a pretty funny track record with girls. And, because I love to publicly embarrass myself for the amusement of others, I thought I would share some of my most cringe-worthy stories.
This second entry in my short (most likely three-part) series of posts tells a story that really isn't romantic at all. I don't mean that I failed romantically, I mean that myself and this girl I'm talking about were not at all romantically involved. No, this is not a love story, but a prom story–and I figured that was close enough!
This prom story from my small Alabama town actually begins in Chicago on a school trip– my freshman year, to be exact. Now, I know what you're thinking– freshman guys don't usually go to prom. Guys usually do the asking, and freshmen aren't old enough to go. Well little children, in this magical fairy tale, one chubby freshman managed to almost not only go to prom–but also do the asking.
This next sentence is actually kind of cool to type, in a very nerdy way. I mean, it's not inherently cool on its own, but it makes me feel cool saying it: she was a senior. I'd insert that smirk emoji here if I knew how, but because I'm somewhat technically challenged, I'll let you just imagine the look of sheer satisfaction on my face. Yes, an awkward freshman almost went to prom with a senior.
...Almost :)
The entire week, this girl and I really became good friends. She was the same age as my cousin, so we mostly talked about him at first (Jackson, if you're reading this, it was never anything bad– love you, buddy). As the week went on, we actually found that we ended up having a lot of similar views and ideas. The result was a lot of good conversation and a lot of laughing.
It was nearing the end of this trip in the Windy City, and I was rooming next to another senior. I liked this guy a lot, he was nice and welcoming but also hilarious. On top of that, because I sucked at singing and he was a tenor like myself, I always just matched pitch with him instead of actually worrying about notes (it was a chorus trip). This guy came into my room and told me, "Dan, I need you to do me a favor."
I responded, "Okay, what do you need?" thinking that the next words out of his mouth would be something like "I ran out of toothpaste" or "Can I borrow a pillow?". What I did not expect was the request, "I need you to ask _______ to prom."
At this point, I was honestly really disappointed. I thought this guy and I were friends. Here he was, totally messing with me, trying to get the freshman to embarrass himself because there was no chance that he was actually being serious. I mean, there are certain laws that come with high school. One of the most well-known high school laws is that it is acceptable for older guys to like younger girls and ask them out– but in most cases, it doesn't usually work for the vice-versa. It's not that it can't happen, it just usually doesn't happen. And if you are one of those rare people who has pulled that off, then let me congratulate you on being a first round draft pick out of your league.
So the rest of the trip went on and came to an end without me saying a single word to this girl about what my friend had told me. Even so, I couldn't deny that I was extremely curious. Part of me wanted to at least attempt to drop a few hints that might give me a definitive yay or nay– but most of me knew myself well enough to know that I wasn't that smooth. If I had tried to drop said hints in person, it would have ended in an extremely awkward bumbling of words and I would've never spoken to her again. And that's not a very happy outcome, now, is it?
So I did what any logical person whose not even a year out of middle school would do: I sent her a text message after we got home. It was very slick if I do say so myself, the ole' "I need some advice about this girl" line. What's hilarious is, she actually thought that's what I was legitimately asking at first. After a few "wink wink" clarification messages, she sent me a long "Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh I forgot!" And yes, I know, those are always the words you want to get from a girl when regarding a potential interest in any form of a night out. Now that she remembered, though, she did give me an equally "wink wink" clarification answer: "I like tulips :)".
Ladies and gentlemen, there are some moments in life that we all remember simply because we felt like a real life incarnation of James Bond. If I had, to sum up my reaction to that text message, it would be impossible to do with words; I'd have to show you this picture:
Ladies, it's time to have a talk. Listen, I get it; 'promposals' make moments like getting asked more memorable. They often offer mementos that you might look back on in twenty years and more importantly, they make your Instagram post for the moment far more interesting. And us guys are (somewhat) happy to do it. We have Instagrams we would like to proudly post on just like you do. But please, understand and appreciate just how hard it can be coming up with these things.
What am I saying...most of you come up with them for your friends anyways. Never mind, I guess! But still, if you're still going to get asked to a prom or two in your lifetime, make a mental note to really be thankful specifically for the effort that goes into the 'promposal.' It's fun, but it does make life a bit harder.
The problem I was posed with was simple: I had no flipping clue how to ask this girl to prom. She had a lot of interests, so nailing down just one was next to impossible–especially considering I had really only known her for the better part of a week. One must also consider that in most cases, guys go to the girl's closest friends for advice and help. The problem there was that not only did I never see those friends at school, but I had none of their phone numbers. So basically, I was completely on my own with only a Disney Channel-educated understanding of prom. The only thing that is a more unappetizing recipe for disaster than that scenario is a wedding between an Auburn fan and an Alabama fan that is scheduled during football season.
It's at this point in a Disney movie that our everyman protagonist would overcome the odds and manage to woo the girl with his hard work and dorky charm. Considering that I just mentioned I was only aware of prom portrayals in Disney movies, and not actual proms, it should come as no surprise that I just sort of waited for that montage to play to Smash Mouth's "All Star" without doing anything. So in the end, weeks went by and prom got dangerously close, and I never made a move to ask her.
It was around this time that I heard about another guy who was really good friends with this girl that wanted to ask her. He had known her for longer than a week, and so I knew that he knew her well enough to have an idea to ask her. And so, being the extremely good person that I am, I decided that I could spare one of my many brushes with a dame and let this fellow go ahead and ask her.
...I would be a total liar if I didn't also admit that the whole thing had become so stressful, I just wanted to go back to being a normal freshman guy who was only worried about making it to the end of the school year.
So yes, I basically completely forfeited a rare opportunity to look super cool. I wouldn't call it a harsh reality, more so just normal reality in the endless string of awkwardness that is my life.
Still, though, things worked out pretty good. As I myself am going into my senior year writing this, it is a super silly story to remember so vividly. With it being silly, though, I still laugh about it quite a bit. Not only is my complete choke hilarious to reflect on because it's totally something I would do, and you know that if you know me, but the thought of what would have happened at that prom is a whole other level of hilarious. If I choked so badly on the 'promposal' because I had no clue what to do, imagine how awkward the actual prom would have been! If anything else, I would have looked ridiculous in a tux at 15. And still, the thought does cross my mind of how cool of a story that could have made as a high school memory– because like I said at the beginning, that sort of thing usually just doesn't happen.
Like with the girl in the first post, I'm still good friends with this girl. She's since gone off the college, so I haven't seen her a lot in the last three years. We catch up when we can, and it's always really great getting to do so. And when I think about how awkward that prom could have been, and what that could have done to our friendship, I am kind of glad things worked out the way that they did– because I wouldn't trade that friendship for anything.
And, come on– it does make for a funny story.
