I am currently taking a writing course that is research-based, called Love and Sex. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I walked in that first day of classes in wintry January, but I was pleasantly surprised. The class is small, 20 people tops. The professor is young and smart, her intelligence not overshadowing her incredible ability to speak on a subject while at the same time encouraging the students to participate. One of the first classes, we spoke about the stigma women face in society and the expectations they must uphold in the realm of sex and love. But what we also spoke about was assault, domestic violence as a result of these impossible expectations on women.
But what I didn’t think about was the issues within women as a group itself. We are warned about the serious dangers of date rape and sexual assault and stalking, as well as the fears women have when it comes to rejecting men, being business women and just overall living day-to-day, but we there is very little discussion of the dangers and issues that women face with each other.
It needs to be taught to young women how important it is for us to love each other, support each other, and not get caught up in the social pressures we receive on a daily basis from the media, popular culture, and those around us. When it comes to protecting each other, we must have each other’s backs.
When we go out to bars, we must be mindful of the creepy guys in the back watching us, mysteriously taking videos and coping slight feels that make us uncomfortable. It is our duty to drag our friends away when they are too drunk to escape the major lip lock they are in, regardless of how made up their mind seems to be to go home with the guy, because, I mean, they’re drunk; so how can they make a sound decision? We must use our discretion to the best of our ability to know when it’s time to say something, to bring up the tough talks in order to make sure us as women do not become prisoner to our own social identities. We must stand up for each other when we see something that is not right, not letting things slip because she “brought this on herself” or it’s “embarrassing.”
It is time that we support our fellow women, validate their feelings, when they deem something that has been done unto them is problematic. We will sit in offices and police stations with each other if need be. We will sit quietly, not saying a thing, until our sister is ready to speak. We will check on each other, making sure these social stigmas don’t bring us down.
We need to stop stabbing each other in the back, fueling the hate fire that is already burning strong in our souls by default. We need to look at things as if we were in their shoes. We need to love each other.
I’m not saying this is easy stuff, but I am saying it needs to be done. I do not want to be afraid to walk the streets because of something that happened to me in a dark corner in a bar, or at the gym, or just walking to my car. I do not want to feel at fault for something because the women in my life told me I was “overreacting.” I want their support, I want the support of the women I love, the women I respect, the women who are riding the waves in the same boat as I am in. Tupac know what he was saying when he rapped “but please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up. Forgive but don't forget, girl keep your head up.”
The time was then to come forward and to continue this fight our grandmothers and their grandmothers have been fighting for decades. This is a call-to-action. Will you respond?
