This week, I had the incredible opportunity to interview one of my good friends Ben, an Honors student at the University of Missouri. His upbringing has been challenging, but it's what has made him the inspiring and wise person he is today.

Ben: “I was born in Queens General Hospital in Queens, New York. It’s pretty much like the projects, it’s not exactly like the projects now, but it’s still pretty bad. I have an older brother, he was born in 1995, he’s Autistic, so I had to grow up with that and live with that; it’s not a burden, I don’t see it as a burden, but some people do. When I was six, we moved down to Georgia. We lived in Sandy Springs, Georgia, which is in Fulton County, pretty close to Atlanta. I went to kindergarten and first grade there. Then, I moved to Gwinnett County, which I consider home, and I stayed there for a few years. That was a good experience, I grew up around a lot of white people there, and that’s where I get some of my traits of acting more ‘white,’ (as some might say).”

Caroline: “Did you experience racism at all growing up?”

Ben: “I was a very ignorant child, I was very ignorant towards that type of stuff. When people had comments to say, I didn’t even know what the ‘n-word’ was until I was fourteen, so that tells you how ignorant I was to social issues when I was a kid. They had a lawsuit about a teacher calling a kid the ‘n-word’ in Georgia, but I couldn’t understand what that meant, so I didn’t pay it any mind. People used to make fun of me when I was fat, I wasn’t really that fat, but ever since then I’ve been really conscious of my body.”

Caroline: “Can you tell me more about your family?”

Ben: “My mom and dad are both Nigerian, that’s why I say I’m a Nigerian American; my mom came to America to go to college, to go to nursing school, but she ended up dropping out of nursing school to go to a culinary arts institution. Good for her, she loves it. And then my dad, he’s what we call a ‘working man.’ He’s going to be working until the day he dies because that’s his life, and I don’t agree with that, but that’s what he likes doing. I don’t know what he does, to tell you the truth. He’s all over the place.

He’s a very meek man, a very docile man, so he doesn’t snap that easily; he’s very quiet, very collected, and I look up to all of that at the same time. But sometimes, he is too quiet and too collected―he doesn’t stand up for himself that much and I don’t like that. So, I look up to my mom as an inspiration because she is very short-tempered and if she sees something wrong, she says something about it… and I try to take both of those traits and use them, a little of each.

When I was 12, my dad got deported back to Nigeria because he helped somebody out; he transferred money into his account to give someone some money in America so they could pay for their medical bills and everything, but the American government saw ‘Woah, that’s a red flag, someone has been transferring money into someone’s account, from a volatile country to another country in America and both of these people are not Americans,’ so that looked bad.

So they came to the door and took him away in handcuffs and everything, and I wasn’t awake at that time, but my mom told me when I woke up and I was really devastated. At that point, I just finished school at that semester and…my mom decided, ‘Well, I don’t see any reason why we should stay, I want my kids around their father' and everything, so we moved back to Nigeria. The first few months were horrible, I lost a lot of weight the first month because I was sick and had culture shock. It was horrible to tell you the truth. Being from America and coming to Nigeria and learning how to live like everyone else, it was really hard. My brother, he also lost a lot of weight; my brother is also a pretty big dude, and that was really surprising.

We lived in like a boy’s quarters, it’s like a guest house quote unquote, or more like where your ‘house-help’ is; we lived in my uncle’s boys-quarters for a year until my dad could get on his feet. That was a horrible experience, and I hated it, with every single part of my being. My mom was depressed and everything, and when I saw that, it just hurt me inside. And my brother, he was angry because all he’s known is America and everything, and you come to Nigeria, people don’t treat mental illness the same in Nigeria, they see it as like―a curse pretty much, they see it as a disease that is contagious, so they keep them away, they make them the pariahs of society, and I hate that.

I started going to school in Abuja, because that’s where we were for the first year, and I liked it because I was around other people who were American and were from other countries. They were pretty cool, but the thing about that was their parents had money. Like if they were to come to America, their parents would be millionaires and shit, and I hated that because my parents were struggling to feed me."

Caroline: “So, it was a private school I assume?”

Ben: “It was a private school; my uncle is a pretty well to do person in Nigeria, so he paid for it ―he’s my dad’s brother.”

Caroline: “So when did you come back to America? And when is the last time you’ve seen your mom?”

Ben: “I moved back here when I was sixteen. The last time I saw my mom… now, it’s going to be two years, from this month actually. September 13th was when I left Nigeria. My brother just turned 21, so I might be able to see her next year; if she isn’t able to come next year, hopefully I can save enough money to see her the summer between my junior and senior year.”

Caroline: "Were you concerned coming to Mizzou at all, based off the incidents of last year?”

Ben: “Even though I was living in Springfield, they really twisted it a lot; they made it seem like it was Ferguson, but it really wasn’t. It wasn’t that bad, because every single school has accounts of racism.

Racism is alive, and it’s well. We just have to understand that instead of pointing out and saying, ‘That’s racism, that’s racism,’ we need to help the problem or find a solution to the problem instead of pointing it out. You can point it out all you want, but it’s not going to change.

I wasn’t that concerned, but my uncle and my mom were. Once I turned 18, my uncle said, ‘Every decision that you make, Ben, is going to affect the rest of your life, so I’m going to let you live your life right now.’ He actually let me pick any college, because my first choice was Notre Dame, but their tuition was crazy, so I didn’t even think about it. I got accepted, but I was like, nah.

He supported me in every single decision; he supported me going to Mizzou. Mizzou’s tuition isn’t as bad as Notre Dame’s, but it’s still pretty expensive; I have the Pell Grant, I have the diversity award, but I didn’t get the Brooks scholarship. [The Diversity award] gives about $2,500 each year. It’s a good amount, but it still doesn’t cover a lot of the cost. And then I’m working [at Starbucks]. I’m thinking about getting a second job to pay for school because with the first job, I can’t meet all of my payments each month, because I have to pay for my insurance… I have to pay for everything. And then I’m taking out the maximum amount of loans, to tell you the truth, and that’s still not covering everything so, I’m still looking for scholarships.”

Caroline: “And last but not least, favorite Mizzou memory as of now?”

Ben: “As of now, the connections I’ve made with people like you, like with my roommate Henry Frees. It’s with everyone on this floor, and everyone I’ve met all around campus―this is an awesome school and an awesome campus.”

Ben is majoring in biochemistry (pre-med), and his intent is to become a neurologist or psychologist. He works at Starbucks now when he’s not studying, but he is struggling to make ends meet. If you want to help out a fellow tiger, feel free to visit Ben’s GoFundMe page. Any donation is appreciated.

Link: https://www.gofundme.com/2ryf9h8