“I’m a straight female, but I think she’s hot af.”

“That’s a nice polo-no homo.”

I tend to run across these comments via YouTube. I was surprised that I ran into these comments, so often that I began to wonder why. Why do people feel the need to justify their sexuality? Why do they have to justify what they like? I’ve been wondering why it matters so much to clarify that they are straight. Why do people feel the need to justify themselves, period? Guys always say things like, "He’s a good looking man, but I’m straight, no homo." Like, really? Why can’t I say, "That’s a beautiful woman," and that’s the end of it? Why must there be speculation?

When I hear or see these comments it makes me think maybe the person is hiding their identity, maybe they need to justify how they feel to others, as well as themselves. I think personally people aren’t comfortable with what they like, so they make an excuse to clarify why they like what they like. People are either uncomfortable with speaking, or too afraid they’ll be judged for having those kind of thoughts or feelings. It’s plain insecurity. It's not only about the comments above, but in general: Why do people feel the need to justify their insecurities?

I myself have been insecure about the things I liked, especially the people I found attractive. For example, about 11 years ago I had a crush on a boy I grew up with who was white. No big deal, right?Wrong. It was a big deal because I was already insecure about my own race, as well as the fact that I was what certain black people called an “Oreo”, which means black on the outside, white on the inside. Whenever I went out with him, I felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me. So I let people’s judgments influence my insecurities so much that nothing became of the relationship. I won’t say that after all of these years I’ve gotten rid of my insecurities, but I have taken multiple steps to get past it. It’s still there in the back of my mind, though.

So, I can definitely understand. Everyone is afraid of getting judged, so they put up these boundaries. They force themselves to create issues where there are none. They even make you second guess everything. Because it’s the only way to stay safe. People are so quick to judge they instantly think, "Oh, he’s gay" or "She’s lesbian", etc. Maybe that could be true, but why does it matter? Why does it matter if I date someone who is a different color?

I admit I judge, I’m not innocent from it. I think everyone judges, it’s hard not to. But when I do judge, I try to keep an open mind.

So if you’re a straight or gay male and see a good looking man that catches your breath, own up to it! Be proud of what you like, who you like. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I know, easier said than done. But start slowly by accepting that you like what you like, and nothing can change that!