Relationship Advice On Balance
Start writing a post
relationships

Just The Tips: Balance

Weekly relationship column hosted by college experts Angie and Cass, answering questions sent in by you.

111
Sky

Welcome back to another edition of Just the Tips! As always, if you're looking for advice, a second opinion, or a place to vent, don't forget you can ask us a question any time here. This week's article is all about how to find balance in your relationship.


1. How do you know if you're doing too much for someone?

Cass: You have to seriously ask yourself this question in any relationship, friendly or otherwise. You don't really ever stop and think how much you're doing for someone because it tends to be balanced. Also, relationships are typically given and take so if you're the one always giving then it's a little problematic as this relationship doesn't have both parties equally invested. If you're feeling like it's always you who has to go help someone or initiate conversation with nothing in return then maybe you're doing too much for someone. If you're fine with that, then great! If not, don't feel bad about scaling back what you do for this person.

Angie: I have a personal story for this one. I was in a long-term relationship with someone who was used to me taking care of him. It got to the point where he'd be upset if I didn't text him back within 10 minutes. For me, THAT was too much, and I didn't understand that until I realized that I didn't feel good after talking to him. Talking to him became a chore instead of something exciting or enjoyable.

When you're in a relationship, you need a balance between your partner and the rest of your life. If you find your partner is imposing on the time you spend doing things that are important to you, you're doing too much. If the relationship starts to feel less enjoyable and more like a job, you're doing too much. Realizing that takes some serious introspection, so take a little bit of time to figure out how YOU'RE feeling without letting your partner's needs or your obligation to them sway you. If you find you are doing too much, like Cass said, don't feel bad taking a step back.

2. How do I tell my partner that I just want to be alone in my bed without seeing anyone sometimes without hurting their feelings?

C: I know this is a serious question but honestly my best advice is to just tell your partner you need alone time and need time to recharge by yourself. They'll understand that this is a personal thing that you need for your mental health instead of seeing it as a fault within them. If they do see it as you don't want to spend time with them then your partner and you need to have a deeper conversation about boundaries. It's good to spend with your partner but sometimes it's even better to spend time alone. If you're an introvert like me then the alone time that you get is super important for mental health and maintaining a happy energy in your life.

A: If this upsets them, try asking why. There might be another problem causing them to feel this way. To make sure they don't feel abandoned, try setting up the next time you'll spend time with them by offering to hang out when you think you'll feel recharged—even if that's on another day. Taking time for yourself is important, but making sure your partner feels appreciated is important as well, and finding that balance can be tough. Good luck!

3. How do you find someone who will treat you right?

A: You need to find a person you don't feel the need to change. Looking to change a partner's hobbies and habits to accommodate your desires can also create rifts in a relationship fast. As with everything, there's a balance here, but if you're still looking for a long-term boo, try to find someone with interests and needs that line up with yours.

Another key part of this is being open and honest about what you want from the beginning. If you're looking for something long term, don't tell them you're looking for a casual relationship. This will only open the door to miscommunication and heartbreak and leave one of you feeling deceived—which definitely isn't being treated right. Know what you're looking for and find a partner who wants something similar.

C: As Angie said, be open about what you want and don't try to change someone. A big thing about finding someone who will treat you right is finding someone you also treat right. If you're constantly berating them or looking to "fix them" then you're not treating them the right way, so why should they do the same? Also, communicate what you want out of a relationship. You might think the other person is "playing games" but in actuality, you just have different ideas of how serious this relationship is. Nothing good will come of only one party thinking this summer fling is the real thing. So be open and candid about what you're looking for in a potential relationship and hopefully you'll find someone who is looking for those same things.

Do you have a question about relationships? Is there something you've always wanted to know but are a little embarrassed to ask? Have some feedback? We're always ready to answer—follow this link to send us your questions!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

70828
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

132438
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments