Motherhood:

Oh mama, I feel your pain. This is what inspired me to write this blog in the first place. So forgive me if it takes on a personal tone. Welcoming in the new year and reflecting on the past couple of years has truly opened my eyes to what it means to be surrounded by so many people...yet somehow still feel lonely at the same time. Especially with all that comes with motherhood. A quick premature side note: How do we fill our homes, after hours beyond hours of labor...come home...and somehow still feel empty within? Within risk of stating without the head nod, I feel like us mamas all have that very touchy- never gonna say it out loud- question in the back of our heads."How do I make this work?". The thing is, we have to be strong for our family and our babies. We have to smile and laugh, play and kiss boo-boos, prepare for the -heart running around outside of our bodies- to go out in the world and be okay without us; AFTER a long day of being pulled in one million different directions at one million miles per hour. We do this, while maintaining our duties and attempting to uphold our expectations as a well put together mother (whatever that means) all throughout the day. Most times, in my personal experience, this has resulted in countless nights crying in the shower where no one can hear or see me. Where no one can see what society deems a confusing picture of a distressed mother. And ultimately, I've learned that this can in turn create anxiety, depression, unwarranted resentment, frustration, loneliness and a slew of other mood disturbances.

Recently, It feels as though society wants us to be a working mom, a stay at home mom, a strict mom, an easy going mom, a vaccinate your kids mom, a don't vaccinate your kids mom, a Pinterest do it yourself mom, an embrace your stripes/baby weight mom, a snap back to your prebaby bod mom... the list goes on and on. But HOW? Does someone know how to do all that, plz let me know. Cause this girl *waves hand dramatically in the air* would give it all to know.

They say nothing is impossible, but i say to H~E~Double Hockey Sticks with that. Because in my eyes, being a mother feels absolutely impossible at times. There's only so much push and pull we can handle. With that being said, let me remind you of the given: When all is said and done, we're never going to make everyone happy. So reveal what's under that mask,flip the bird, and tell the world to suck it. The people in your life should and will support you as a mother, no matter if they believe in the way you bring up your children. Because the fact of the matter is... it's a tough as crap job, takes a tough as crap person to do it, and it's a tough as SH*T world we're raising our kids in. So my advice? Give every mom out there a pat on the back, a bottle of wine and a "You're doing great sweetie." Show of hands, Who DOES'NT yearn for that sometimes as a mama these days?

....*crickets*.....

No matter the reader right at the moment, my hope is that maybe..at the end of the day, we will give someone else the urge to sing in the shower again, not cry in one. Pay it forward as a mother to other mothers. Especially your own. We are all giving it our all, one way or another.

Fatherhood:

Dads- You are so not about to be excluded from this come to Jesus meeting. Just because dads don't carry the bowling ball, spit it out and roll it down the milk aisle does not mean...I repeat...does not mean they've got it easy. I feel as though dads have to deal with the balancing act as well. A battle between discipline and structure (typically the duty society places on men...yawn) and showing love and affection (*refer to "in terms of men" later in the talk*). Dads have to put on their poker face and bluff the particular viewer at the moment in order to satisfy everyone in and beyond their household. They do not get the 9 month opportunity to mentally and physically prepare for the life altering event of having a child like women do. And that, my friends, would be absolutely terrifying to me. I imagine that fathers -both soon to be and well seasoned- would feel they have to hide behind their fears and doubts so that they can instead show their excitement, vigor and support to appease others. It seems to be one of the least talked about subjects when it comes to parenthood. "Pffftt- Pity the father. In what world would we ever do that?!?...'Bravely Dads Facebook' group page...WHO do these men think they are? Complaining. Do they know what women have to go through?". It's a total dooooozy. Even I want to hit the snooze button just writing it! Men just seem to be pushed aside when it comes to the hardship of parenting. That's how i see it, anyway. So! If I am totally missing the point, my apologies to you daddio. But if you relate even a tiny bit, I hope you know that you, sir, can also reveal what's under that mask, flip the bird, and tell the world that you are as good as it gets when it comes to conquering fatherhood. Let's wrap it up.

Last second pointers, goin up for the shot with all eyes on you- Here's some things to think about before the buzzer goes off:

1. Your kids are alive and well

2. They are happy as can be (which means baby mama is happy)

3. They love you more than anything else in the world; who else is gonna cringe at your god awful dad jokes and still think you're the coolest person in the world? Not the doesn't-have-a-clue-about-what-it-takes-to-be-a-dad-today foolio you're about to flip the bird to.

In terms of my lady frans: Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by your full length mirror!

Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by Instagram models!

Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by the confusing expectation of what the HELLO a female is supposed to look like, sound like, or act like nowadays!

Oh.. I must've gotten a little too rowdy there. I'm (*key words here*) SO SORRY! I was just using my voice to speak about the issues we as women carry around -sun up till sun down- while fronting that smile that most expect us to have on a literal 24/7 basis. ~Que the, "You should smile more 😁" John Doe at the Gas Station. *sigh*

Let's get to the point:

1. Body image is one of our biggest downfalls. We want to be so much more than we are, constantly. It seems like a never ending cycle that is truly draining. We put on the facade that we are comfortable in our own skin, confident, and happy as can be. But truth is a lot of us are just not. I truly believe that even if you're a woman in tip top shape, content with yourself/life in general, it's still sorttt of difficult to be truly 100% satisfied. And let me be clear, that is not always a bad thing. (I.e trying to be a better version of yourself everyday... ya girl is not knocking your 2019 resolutions here). But with the good chance that it leans more towards the negative standpoint, it can be crippling.
2. Remember the key words? I want you to imagine yourself writing it on a piece of paper, balling it up and throwing it in the trash every time you feel the urge to utter it. Ladies.....Stop. apologizing. For. Every. Single. Thing. To. Please. The likes. Of. Others. 10/4? You do it. I do it. We all do it innately, it seems. Within gross expectations, it seems we all want to project to the world that we are decent, well functioning, well behaved, exquisitely mannered women that will hopefully FIT the molded view of societal standards. Talk about a tight squeeze. Screwwdeeehooo that. Move and speak with purpose, as the unapologetic badass you are, lady frand.

Bottom line- It's extremely challenging to be a female. Our drive, motive, intent and even intelligence seems to be so often tainted by what this new-age worldy realm expects us to 'appear' as. Revealing ourselves and lifting the mask is so incredibly difficult. Its something I struggle with every.single.day. But my hope is that eventually, we can see every woman (every HUMAN) reflected in ourselves and understand that we're all in the same boat. ~Drifting along together~

So to my lovely ladies, do yourself a favor. Grab your Neutrogena wipes. Rub it allllll over your face. Go to the gas station and rock those raccoon eyes, Sis! Next time Johnny boy asks you to smile? Give him your best psychotic grin and YOU GUESSED IT, flip the bird.

In terms of my men:

I'll keep this short and simple, cause I know my fella readers like it like that...

I believe, in my womanly mind (& please forgive me if I'm overstepping) that men are scared to d e a t h of letting others see them struggle. Most men have been conditioned all of their lives to be "strong", suffer in silence, and wear the mask. The term "A Real Man" has always been one of the worlds most brutal phrases that carry more weight than any one person can ever bear on their shoulders. "A real man provides, a real man stands up and fights for what he believes in- no matter the cost...a real man *plug in another boring overused macho masculine action that apparently makes a man, a REAL man*. It's truly a lonely epidemic among most men. More so, if men catch themselves not meeting up to the criteria placed among them, they seem to have a HARD time asking for help if they're struggling. God for holy bid they talk about emotions. Their counterpart, the female, will have more chances to eat a whole dang ~soaked in their own snot and tears cake, chugging a bottle of wine, while having a few listening ears attentively nodding their heads at every slurred word.~ than men will. Catch my drift? It's otherwise known as a Support System. Let a man attempt the vent session, and the most he will get out of it is, "Dude, you're gay.", "Lets go to the titty bar.", or, "Wanna get on the sticks? Just got 2K19". The takeaway, and thank you for still being here!...Is this: I see you fellas, and I'm sorry society won't let you be a normal frickin human without placing labels on you and considering you a failure. Just know, it's not true. And it's totally okay to unscrew the lid and let it all come out as long as you've got a trustworthy, understanding person on the other end. BUT- if you don't have that luxury at the moment, here's what you do next: Check your circle, flip the birdto the ones not for you, and clean it up. Find the bros that will be there for you when sh*t hits the fan.

Present: The token Mama, Pops, Women, and Men in my life today:

My mama, my best friend, my inspiration.

A father, and so much more. Thank you baby for believing in me.

The most confident women I get to call my first best friends. We learned from each other, and I'm so grateful. (missing our Cy<3).

One of his bests. They've embraced the "Bromance" with no shame. One of my favrotie brotherhoods of his to witness.

The mask is just another thing hanging over your head. We're all faking it. Acknowledge it, own it, and tell someone you like their shoes today.

Xx, Rae