Without anything outstanding happening (no one died, became seriously sick or injured, or otherwise had their lives potentially permanently altered), yesterday was one of the most overwhelming days I’ve had so far in my undergraduate career. It came on the heels of a long, busy weekend that left me feeling a little scatterbrained and generally unprepared for the week to come. So when Monday morning showed up, all I was ready for was a massive freak-out, not the mountain of work and responsibilities (and emails; so many emails) being thrown my way. At one point I was reduced to tears by the most innocuous email: A professor asking about a potential lunch meeting. Everyone around me, at least seemingly, is some level of stressed and highly-committed at all times. And we see that from each other; running to and from classes, scheduling meetings, doing class work in Coffeehouse, working real jobs, dealing with our families back home, running student groups and activities. But we don’t see when it becomes too much.
The too much happens slowly; in my case it snuck up while I had turned a blind eye. It’s so easy here, and probably many other spheres of academic and/or adult life to find yourself beholden to a wide range of people and things. You’ve got homework for those three classes all due on Tuesday, meetings with this professor and that club scheduled in afternoons and evenings, an unexpected (but mandatory) field trip taking up most of your Saturday afternoon, and it’s the same Saturday afternoon that a guest speaker is coming in to work with one of your other classes. Oh, and you’ve got to get ready to go on a trip next weekend (which is super exciting and promises to be fun, but frankly right now thinking about it just makes you feel exhausted and frustrated). Plus other things, like living your life. That creative writing submission is due tomorrow, that summer job application is due next Monday; don’t forget you have to reformat your resume, call home, and go to the gym three times this week. (This is all not to mention the scroll of political headlines tumbling through your head and Facebook feed day after day; you want to take action and work for the causes you support [like against this RIDICULOUS and HORRIFYING immigration ban] but it’s so easy to get overwhelmed by all that needs doing.) I don’t list all of these things to sound like I hate my life or the things I have chosen to be and have wound up being involved in or leading. I mention all of these things to show that it’s ALL important stuff, stuff I care about deeply and want to give my all to. But when it’s all happening in the span of five days, it leaves one concerned for when there’s time for basic things like eating dinner, sleeping, maybe maybe doing something relaxing like have lunch with a friend or watch an episode of Scrubs. But you don’t want to let anyone down, so you buy a smoothie and work through lunch, forget about going to sleep at a decent hour tonight, and in the back of your mind start questioning what the consequences would be of curling up in a ball on the floor and answering to no one for the next 5-9 days as you rock back and forth with the force of your stress-induced tears.
Anyway. Yesterday started off promising to be hellacious, but it actually turned out way more okay than anticipated. When I was finally getting ready to go to sleep and having deep shower thoughts in the early hours of the morning/very late hours of the night, I was thinking about what I thought helped me slog through and manage all of yesterday’s moving parts. Here they are.
DON’T AGREE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL UNTIL SOME OF YOUR OWN STUFF GETS DONE. Sorry I didn’t see your email about a lunch meeting until this morning, professor, but no, I can’t meet today. Would Wednesday work for you? Please let me know. Saying “no” and “not right now” really is powerful. And at a certain point it’s a necessity, because there literally aren’t any more hours in the day or days in the week.
Ask for help. This is so hard to do, especially at a place like Rice where it seems like everyone can operate at a higher stress level than you. But yesterday, instead of just agreeing with whatever someone asked me to do and stressing about not having enough time or energy, I tried to find ways to accommodate and work with these people while also keeping my own schedule and needs in mind. When I explained that the next few days were nuts for me, most people were happy to wait until the end of the week to have me finish their stuff. Like this article; it was due several days ago, but my EIC was really understanding when I apologized, told her it was going to be late, but promised to have it turned in early Tuesday morning at the latest.
Plan your schedule. This might sound odd, because part of the problem is that your schedule is already packed. But, at least for me, my schedule was full of when I needed to be where to work with someone else on something, not full of when I’m actually going to take care of my own stuff. So, I found it helpful to actually schedule blocks of time for myself; this morning I’m going to read those articles for class, this afternoon I’m going to finish that drawing, this entire day I’m going to see if I can leave open so that I can try and work ahead in an effort to give myself a break over the weekend that’s going to be spent running around back on other people’s schedules. Doing this actually made me feel more in control, and helped me wrap my brain around what all needs to be done in the next week and a half, as well as what should be prioritized and what can (or will have to) wait.
Do your best to avoid people, things, and situations you know will stress you out. Yes, it’s important to be politically aware and engaged, but you’ll be a better ally and more resistant, educated citizen once you can give the issues at hand your full attention. Trying to think about Trump’s new policies and all the problems they could cause while also trying to read a piece of feminist environmental theory on trans-corporeality for your English capstone will be nothing but exhausting. You’ll do yourself and political resistance more justice if you focus on one or the other. Maybe this means you have to avoid Facebook for the entire day, but trust me, it’ll all still be there waiting for you. And if you know talking to a certain person will stress you out, then try not to put yourself in a situation in which you have to interact. If you know you have to interact or have a conversation at some point, then try and schedule that conversation for a time when you won’t be so stressed out by the other things going on in your life.
Take time for yourself, but not too much. The simple matter is, you don’t have enough time. So I’m not advising watching that three-hour-long foreign film you’ve always wanted to see, or going off campus for an entire afternoon searching for the perfect Houston cappuccino. But, I am saying that it’s okay (kind of great, really) to take a few extra minutes in the morning to take care of yourself; put on an outfit you really like and feel good in, maybe put on some makeup if that’s your thing. Or take a few minutes to read a book (for fun!) before passing out at night. And definitely, definitely make time for meals. Non-negotiable. You gotta eat, fam, otherwise nothing is going to go as well as it could.
Take baby steps. For me, the best way to handle a tome of things to do, places to be, and people to see is to take it one item at a time. Yesterday I really tried to not just go through the motions of each thing, but to really be present. Press photos for Proof were separate from readingthe Threepenny Opera, was separate from taking notes on articles about oil and the Gulf Coast was separate from responding to a slew of emails, and so on, and so on. I get more stressed out if I’m working on one thing while thinking about the next thing; I rush myself, and wind up not doing great work, which leaves me feeling worse about the whole situation.
Again, say no. Sometimes in an effort to de-stress I hang out with and talk to my friends over coffee or a meal. But sometimes, without meaning to, these friends want to talk about things that I just don’t have the space to worry about; not tonight, at least. It was really helpful yesterday to tell several friends that yes, I care about what you’re saying, but I can’t give it my full attention right now. If it’s really important, I’m happy to talk about it, but not in the next 48 hours.
Here’s hoping the over-commitment bug doesn’t catch you as unawares as it’s caught me this week. But if it does, I hope you find a way to get through it that leaves you with at least a semblance of your sanity and feeling good about the things you were able to accomplish. It’s important to keep in mind that the best you can do is the best you can do, and no one can realistically expect more from you. In the end, it’ll all either get done or it won’t; but I’m pretty sure we’ll survive either way.
