If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I left high school, it’s that life doesn’t always go according to plan. Life has thrown me quite a few curveballs in the last seven years, but I’ve somehow managed to survive it all. It hasn’t been an easy journey; I’ve wanted to quit and give up many times. I once heard this great quote that says, “It’s not about how you start, it’s about how you finish”. This is my story...
May 20, 2009
I was all set to walk across the stage and start the dream life I’d set up for myself. I had a plan; I’d prayed about it, declared and decreed it (In Jesus name), so I was good. Nobody was gonna stop me from achieving my goal of becoming a social worker and a psychologist. Sounds like a good plan, right? And it was, but what I wasn’t counting on was the 2008 recession. My parents had money set aside for me to go to college and were so proud that one of their kids was finally going (my 3 brothers all went military after high school). Unfortunately, my folks got hit by the recession and had some financial difficulties. So, my dream was put on hold, for just a little while.
January 2010
I was really ready this time; I had everything I needed. I told myself that nothing bad was going to happen this time. My plan could still work; I just had to adjust it a little bit. Sadly, life decided to throw me another curveball. Apparently, I didn't have any financial aid available; the school didn't know what happened to my paperwork. My folks didn’t have 27 grand to pay for tuition. So with a heavy heart, I had to come back home. I spent almost 3 months hiding away in shame, dealing with depression, wanting to kill myself. I left home to prove to everyone that I could do it, that I wasn’t just the crybaby who never wanted to go anywhere. Everything I had worked so hard for had literally crumbled right before my eyes.
August 2011-May 2012
So, after a year of battling with my old college (word to the wise: if you ever attend a school and withdraw the first few weeks after classes, don’t put them on a new college application) and me not giving a damn about life (I bugged out for a little bit), I finally got into college. I wasn’t my dream college but, it was still school. I did pretty well my first semester; I only had 1 C. The second semester…eh, not so great. 3 days after my 21st birthday, I lost someone very important to me. After that loss, on top of having very little motivation about school, I sorta gave up. I failed all of my classes except 1; I had never failed a class in my entire life. I didn’t know what I was gonna do with my life. Thankfully, God decided to step in and make me realize that at the rate I was going, life was only going to continue to pass me by if I didn’t start making some changes.
May 2012-August 2014
Life started to get better; I made a HUGE comeback academically. I finally had enough financial aid to where I wasn’t paying out of pocket. I had all A’s and B’s in school, I had not one but 2 jobs. I lost weight, gained some self-esteem, caught up with some old friends. I still had my plan, though I’d adjusted it a bit; I was now a sociology major with a minor in African American studies. I had my sights set on Georgia State this time; my new end goal was to have my Ph.D. by 35. Still, God had other plans; I ended up transferring to the University of Mobile, which I didn’t even know existed. I got accepted, but had to take a conditional 12 hours (failing those classes hurt me; I’m STILL paying for that!). I was finally on my way to graduating and getting my Ph.D. by 35.
October 2015
I was all set to walk across the stage the following spring when I got hit with everything you could imagine. First, it was ‘you don’t have enough required chapels’; then I got hit with ‘Oh, this one class you need? It won’t be offered until the fall of next year’. Can you imagine being held up from graduating because of one freaking class and a stupid chapel?! I was already dealing with depression, but this news caused me to spiral out of control. On top of depression, I had developed a major case of anxiety.
Then I got hit with the worst case scenario: I got sick. I needed to have surgery, major surgery. I had convinced myself that I was going to sail through this setback like I always did. It didn’t happen that way; I literally heard the voice of God say ‘either you’re going to die or lose your mind if you don’t slow down’. So, I reluctantly withdrew from school for the semester and had my surgery. Sure it sucked, it put me behind a whole year but, those few weeks after my surgery gave me a chance to put some things into perspective.
Present:
So here I am, 25, working as a nanny, still living at home with my parents (because adulting is hard as hell!), still in school trying to get this degree. I’ve had so many good things happen to me in the midst of all of my setbacks; I have this really great position as Editor-in-Chief for Odyssey, I’m more outspoken, I’m confident, I’ve found my faith again, I’ve made peace with some family issues, I’m even writing a book! Life may have kicked me in the teeth like five million times but, I’m so blessed where I am in my life. It’s not where I wanna be, but whenever I think about my situation I think about Romans 8:18 which says “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us, and in us, and for us, and conferred on us!”
So to anyone who had a life plan that didn’t go the way they had hoped, keep pushing, keep striving, keep winning.
“You are exactly where you need to be, just stop and take a deep breath”-Lana Parrilla.
