It sounds cliché, I know. I know what you are thinking. An article about finding yourself this young?
I am not saying I have all the answers and I’m not saying I know exactly who I am and what I want because that is far from the case here. I'm saying that It took a lot for me to get where I am and I am proud of that. I'm proud of the things I have overcome, proud of the things I have accomplished, and proud of where I am today. All I am saying is that I am working on it, and that is a huge step from where I was a year ago.
Almost everyone can say that they have been through a lot, that they have been through things that only they would understand. I get that, I am the same way. I too have had my fair share of ups and downs and times I felt like I had hit rock bottom and there was no way of climbing my way out of the mess I had made. I can't even tell you how much time I spent trying to define myself, trying to find out who I was. It took a lot out of me, a lot of overthinking, a lot of bad days and a lot of loss of my self confidence. I had spent my days bending over backwards looking for answers to questions that were never going to be answered. I’m not going to lie to you and talk about a journey that was beautiful, inspirational and led me to a place where I am finally happy because that isn't true either.
I would be lying if I told you I don’t regret anything because it has made me who I am today. Everyone has their mistakes and has their regrets. Do I think I would be in a completely different place than I am today if it wasn't for those decisions? Yes. But that doesn’t mean I am proud of them. This journey to me has been about accepting the past and realizing that there is no going back and there is no changing the past, that was the hardest thing for me to realize. I spent too much time trying to fix mistakes where the damage was already permanent, and too much time begging for forgiveness when those things weren't meant to be forgiven.
Do I have it all figured out? No. But here is what I did learn. I learned that not everyone is meant to be in your life or stay there. Not every solution is going to be the right one and not every mistake is going to fully fix itself. Not every tragedy is going to stop hurting and not every experience is meant to be talked about. Things happen for a reason, yes, but we don't always get a clear explanation of that reason and that's where acceptance takes its part. Accepting that you are who you are and you are meant to accomplish everything that you have ever wanted to. Accepting that you will go through things that no one should ever have to deal with but that will play a role in your future in the most positive way you know how to.
I learned that those bad days you thought were going to stick with you forever don’t and those bad times you never think are going to end, eventually do. You will learn to find light in every situation and you will make your own happiness. I learned that your friends are the biggest inspirations and that you will not be where you are today without them, those who stayed through the tough times and also those who walked away.
Most importantly, I learned about myself and that’s the most valuable lesson you’ll ever learn.
Embrace that, be you, and prove everyone wrong who ever made you feel like you weren't good enough because there’s something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit. You are so much stronger than you feel right now, you know that.
Enjoy the journey.
