It was August 6th, 2016 and I woke up bright and early to start a journey that would change my view of the American church and how life in America is way different from other countries. I didn’t know what really to think except that I was not allowed to run for the 9 days that I was going to be in Guatemala. This was a big bump in the road for me as cross season was starting as soon as I got back. I woke up that morning excited and a little irritated that this missions trip was going to take me away from my friends, boyfriend, salads and running for over a week. God had bigger plans than what was going on in my tiny life. I arrived at the church with my mom, late, as usual, to catch the ride down to Chicago International Airport. I was one of two teenagers who were heading to Guatemala, and the other teenager had already been to Guatemala. On the bus ride down, my companion, Brie (the teenager), wanted to talk. She is very talkative and very outgoing. She loves people, and if you were to try to play the silent game with her, you would win within the first 30 seconds. I enjoy talking, but most of the time I like to be quiet when soaking in everything that is happening.

Here I was, on a bus with 13 other people, trying to get to Guatemala around 11 P.M. It was going to be a long day. I just wanted to sit back and meditate on my own thoughts, but my mom kept asking me questions and Brie was chatting to me. I couldn’t process half the things they were talking to me about because I was too focused on what my own thoughts were. I was thinking, “c'mon guys, can’t you read my body language? I’m not listening to you. I don’t WANT to talk.” I know, really selfish. This is how my trip started, but it isn’t how it ended, because God is great, and He was working on my heart. We made it down to Guatemala after a long flight to Mexico City (where we saw a fight, and security had to get involved, exposing us to how different these cultures would be) and caught a connecting flight to Guatemala City. It was really late when we landed, and Guatemala City is known for not being super safe. We headed to the guest house and on the way there I just wanted to look out the window at the town, but Brie wanted to tell me all about the people that she became friends with last year, how amazing they were.

But I was observing how every building had bars across the windows and the run-down places. This was way different from my American life. The guest house was in a gated community with guards at the front and big walls that you had to also get through to get into your house.First thing I did when we got to the guest house was try and get on the wifi. Of course. I wanted to text my boyfriend and see if he had sent me any texts. Wifi didn't work. We went to bed really late and had to wake up early for church the next morning. No time for beauty sleep, and you should have seen me the next morning-- you could definitely tell. Breakfast was not what I would have eaten here. Where were the fruits and substances I normally ate? How was this going to affect my body and figure?! I ate very little and headed to church.

I got there and apparently the way to greet people is to kiss them on the cheek. I have a personal space bubble and so many people popped it; I don’t even really kiss my parents on the cheek, just my boyfriend, and even that was pretty rare. I love worshipping, and I could not understand anything they were singing about. I put on my best face and prayed that God would move in my heart and let me break down the walls of what I had known and let me experience all these things with an open heart and open mind. And that is exactly what He did that week. The worship was extremely loud and the people were so into it. Isn’t this what I had been complaining about with the American church lately? No one gets into worship!

Brie was so into it and she said "hi" to all the teenagers even though she could not speak spanish. I wondered how did she form such great relationships if she could not speak spanish? My mom could speak spanish so I could have said "Hi" to the teens using her, but instead I acted like a lost puppy dog and was at her heels the entire time. That is until the service ended, and we were headed to the school to hangout with everyone from the church.

This is where my attitude really changed. I could now see the buildings and people in the light. This is so much like the movies where you see a devastated city, run by crime, drugs, prostitution and poverty, but so unlike the movies, I was not observing, I was taking place in it. I was here. These are real people. I got to talk to the teens and throw water balloons at them just like they were one of my American friends. I played soccer and held hands with little kids.

The gentleness in the children is so genuine. These kids have very little and they want to give all their attention and love to you. And they didn’t even know me! I had so much fun with these people, and they wanted to hear about me. They didn’t want to talk all about themselves. This was the first full day in Guatemala, and it was filled with so much happiness and love. The following day was a huge contrast. The heart that had seemed so full just a day before became empty and broken. We went to the Rich Man Cemetery which is on the edge of the dump. The Dump is the city dump for Guatemala City. It is as large as 24 football fields and it contains more trash than you could imagine. The sewage from the city runs through here and creates a smelly river. There are vultures flying all around. I have never seen that many birds in one place at a time. When you get close to the edge you can smell the dump. You can see how the sides of the dump have fallen in due to landslides. And if you look close enough you can see movement. The dogs searching for some food, the humans digging through the river for anything precious, others digging through the garbage for anything to trade for money. These people live here; they live in the garbage, they live on the sides of the dump, this is where their life is. How could I go back to my house where I have 6 bathrooms and extra bedrooms and not think of how they have neither? There are kids in there! They live there! These people are in constant danger. The garbage shifts and landslides happen, and when they do, it takes many people's lives.

They have a legend about a serpent living in the garbage who has a crown and it is a crown which has gold and jewels. It travels through the garbage and when the people see it, they go to where the jewels and gold are because those things are worth money. But then the serpent moves again, and causes garbage to shift, killing the people.You can find paintings of this serpent on the walls throughout the city.

These people start associating their circumstances with where they are. They believe they are part of the trash. They can not picture a life outside of the dump. A kid was asked if he could be anything, what would he want to be, and he said a garbage truck driver because they are the top of the line. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer or a singer. But this kid wanted to be a dump truck driver. Never will I know what like the life is like living there. For some reason, God picked me to be born of a wonderful mom and family in the US. I go to a private school, I have lots of friends and a boyfriend, two cute dogs. I have a yard to play in, and I don’t have to worry where my next meal will come from. But the great thing is, just as much as I see God in where I am, these people see God in where they are. The same God that helps me through problems helps them through their problems, and they trust Him. I struggle trusting Him, and I have everything I could need. How great is our God!

That day, I started having a massive headache. That’s how it started off. I don’t know the exact cause but as soon as we got back to the guest house, I had to lay down because my stomach was in a knot, and I thought I was going to puke. I was so irritated with everyone and I needed to be left alone. Brie wanted to check on me, see how I was doing, etc. I am pretty sure I snapped at her, but she still came up to check on me and to let me know when dinner was, she fixed me a plate and waited for me. I came down and took one bite and ran upstairs angry and started crying. I was so angry. I was upset with everything I had seen, and I wanted my stomach to stop aching. Brie came up and brought me food I could keep down. She made sure I was okay and even though I was pretty rude, she continued to love me and care for me either way. Brie taught me about how loving unconditionally looks. I had been failing at loving my siblings and family. I thought I had rights to how I was feeling in situations, and if things don’t go my way, I am allowed to be angry, hold grudges, and lack loving others. Brie doesn’t know, but she had started shining some light into my heart. Throughout the week we helped out in the school, we participated in activities with the kids. Every time I walked through the school, the kids would yell “Hola!” and they would reach out to high five me, they would run up to me and give me hugs, they would try to learn english words to have conversations. They were so loving. These same kids are ones who live in the dump. These are the same kids who lack parents, or get abused, or get involved on the drug scene or get into gangs. If I go back next year, I’m not sure if the same kids will be there. They could have passed away. They could have left to join gangs. I don’t want to think about them like that. They were here now, and smiling in spite of whatever home is. They cherished their education (I am guilty of taking it for granted). They sure know how to love. They are just as much into jokes and messing around as the people in America, they’re no different in that way, but they come from very different backgrounds and home lives. I wanted to take every single one home. I don’t know if our extra rooms have that much space.

These organizations work together to be able to give the kids two meals, a space place and an education so that they can see past where they are now and move onto a better life. Not all of them may make it out of the gang life, get rid of drugs, or be a great parent, but some will and that is what matters. Because the opportunity to get out has been presented to them, they are able to leverage what they have and get out. I was able to go down and see these kids and read books to them, to hug them, to form a relationship with them. On the last day when school got out, I stood with Brie and said goodbye. Their soft hands resembled mine, we all have 10 fingers, their soft hearts softened mine, and I remembered that it is what we do with those hands, those hearts, that glorifies God. It doesn’t matter what shade of skin you have, what language you speak or where you come from, because one day all languages, all cultures will be joining together.

I started off the journey with a selfish heart and when we were getting ready to leave the next Sunday, I started to cry. I realized I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want to go back to being the same person I had been before the trip. I didn’t want to be quiet and ignore my mom and Brie. I wanted to have the joy that these people had. I craved the faith they had. They didn’t go to church; they are the church. They sacrifice everyday in the dangerous city to provide for families who can’t. To care for the orphan and the widow. To welcome the drunk man off the street into the service. These people are the church. The building they did church in, that is just what is was, because when they left and the building stood empty, the church was moving through the streets. They are a city on a hill, they are the salt of the earth, and they are a beacon of light in the darkness of the city. I can sit here and tell you more about my journey and transformation, but the best part is that God is working in the relationships formed and these people are changing the city one person at a time. God is bigger than all the evil in the city. How blessed am I that I could see him and have him use me! I don’t want to go to church, I want to be church.