My whole life, I've had a shaky relationship with God. It's not something I'm comfortable talking about, and it's absolutely never been anything I've ever liked to confront myself with. I was born and raised in the Catholic faith and for as long as I can remember I've always been told to be a Christian, stay a Christian and act like a Christian.

For a lot of people, myself included, this was a lot easier said than done. It's hard to force yourself to believe in something that you can't see or touch or feel, let alone put absolutely all of your faith into when you aren't even 100% sure he/she/it's out there or not.

This all changed for me when I moved out of my small, sleepy beach town and into a state and city where I knew no one. Most people who go to USM have grown up with it their entire lives, and have planned on coming to school here since they could walk. For the first time in my life, I was alone and an outlier.

My first week at Southern Miss was easily the hardest week of my life that I have yet faced, and was actually so bad that I almost left and went back home during the first weekend. This had nothing to do with the school or the people here, but everything to do with that fact that I am the absolute worst person at dealing with change, and I missed my hometown a heck of a lot more than I ever thought imaginable.

This was the first time in my life where I put completely all I had into God's hands. I was homesick, I was scared, I was anxious and I was so utterly terrified and confused about my future that I could barely make it through the day without questioning if this was where I was supposed to be or not.

Every day I woke up and I prayed for God to give me an answer, or at least some sort of hint as to where I was supposed to go or what path I was supposed to take. For days I swore I wasn't getting any response; I was fully convinced He wasn't listening and didn't care.

Fortunately for me, this week from hell came and it went, as most things do, and suddenly I had moved on. The longest week of my life was nothing more than a horrible memory, and my question of whether or not I should stay at college had been answered, when I swore up and down that it had been ignored.

Things only got better for me after that: I found a home away from home here at Southern and a second family with over a hundred sisters in it. I was doing well in all of my classes and a new routine quickly set in. It terrifies me now when I think of all the incredible opportunities I would've missed had I not stayed at USM, and I now find comfort in the fact that God knew what He was doing all along. Where I once felt doubt and suspicion for God, I now feel security and certainty.

I used to think that it was impossible to physically see God, but I now see Him in every friendly and helpful face on campus.

I used to think that you couldn't physically touch or feel God, but I touch His love and feel His welcoming embrace in every hug from any loved one of mine, whether that may be at school or at home.

I feel Him in everything I do and everywhere I go; there is nowhere that I walk where He hasn't already stood. I feel Him in the morning when I first wake up to start the day, I feel Him in the breeze and sunshine outside when I walk to and from class. I feel His love when I talk to my ever supporting parents on the phone every week. I feel His goodness when I hold my infant nieces while they sleep, every time I go home.

My faith and my heart has grown to fully accept God into my life and I've learned to trust in Him even when He is silent. Waiting for an answer or a solution to a problem might feel like an eternity, but if there's one thing I now know, it's that there is absolutely nothing in life that has not already been foreseen and planned ahead by Him.

To trust in His will and timing is a leap of faith that is more terrifying than anything else, but I'd rather trust in Him and His secure plans that guarantee the best for me than to ignorantly assume that my plans are greater.

To fully give yourself up to God and let Him into your heart isn't easy until it's already done. As an 18-year-old living away from home for the first time in my life, I found Him when I felt like He was all I had left, when it was either faith in Him, or despair in nothing else.

Choosing God is the best decision I've ever made, and it's a decision I know that I'll have to continually make for the rest of my life. Trusting in a future and a life that I can't picture yet is terrifying, and though I know there will be countless struggles ahead of me, I also know that by trusting in Him I will never face them alone.