Jesus H. Christ | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Jesus H. Christ

A Short Story

25
Jesus H. Christ
firstumcsylva.org

Greg was never one for going to church and enjoying it. His parents made him every Sunday, and to make matters more of a drag, the pastor had asked him to put away the Bibles from the day’s service, prolonging the young man’s stay in the place he did not believe in.

After the worship finished at the downtown Methodist church, Greg was stuck on this favor for the pastor whom the young man heard muttering at the head of the altar. He seemed fairly frustrated.

“Jesus H. Christ…” the pastor muttered.

“What?” Greg said out of surprise a little too loudly because the priest turned to him and was looking obviously abashed.

“Sorry…” Greg whispered as if HE had used the lord’s name in vain.

“No, I shouldn’t act like this in present dress,” said the pastor as Greg warmed up to conversation beyond regular post-scripture reading greetings. He moved up to the front of the altar to talk more.

“What does the ‘H’ even mean?” Greg said.

“Pardon?”

“The ‘H’? I’ve heard it dozens of times before, but I have no clue what it means.”

“Well…not to spread the lord’s name falsely, but some believe his middle name to be Harold.”

“What?!”

“‘Hallowed be thy name’…‘Harold be thy name,’” said the pastor with what Greg swore (not on the lord’s name) was a smile.

“Wow, I guess some guys with lisps perpetuated that a long time ago,” said Greg with a chuckle.

“Yes, perhaps,” said the pastor, happy to humor Greg with conversation. He was still pissed he spilled coffee on his otherwise pearly white vestment.

“Well, good to learn even more from today’s church!” said Greg falsely brightly, ignoring public affirmation of his atheistic beliefs as he restrained himself from talking to his pastor about it.

Relieved of his extra favor to the church, Greg walked briskly away from the altar as the priest wiped the smudge frantically from his ruined robes.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

15 Times Michael Scott's Life Was Worse Than Your Life

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

438
Michael Scott
NBC

Most of the time, the world's (self-proclaimed) greatest boss is just that, the greatest. I mean, come on, he's Michael Freakin' Scott after all! But every once in a while, his life hits a bit of a speed bump. (or he actually hits Meredith...) So if you personally are struggling through a hard time, you know what they say: misery loves company! Here are 15 times Michael Scott's life was worse than your life:

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

12 Midnight NYE: Fun Ideas!

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

15379
Friends celebrating the New Years!
StableDiffusion

When the clock strikes twelve midnight on New Year's Eve, do you ever find yourself lost regarding what to do during that big moment? It's a very important moment. It is the first moment of the New Year, doesn't it seem like you should be doing something grand, something meaningful, something spontaneous? Sure, many decide to spend the moment on the lips of another, but what good is that? Take a look at these other suggestions on how to ring in the New Year that are much more spectacular and exciting than a simple little kiss.

Keep Reading...Show less
piano
Digital Trends

I am very serious about the Christmas season. It's one of my favorite things, and I love it all from gift-giving to baking to the decorations, but I especially love Christmas music. Here are 11 songs you should consider adding to your Christmas playlists.

Keep Reading...Show less
campus
CampusExplorer

New year, new semester, not the same old thing. This semester will be a semester to redeem all the mistakes made in the previous five months.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

The 5 Painfully True Stages Of Camping Out At The Library

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

3152
woman reading a book while sitting on black leather 3-seat couch
Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments