Jesus H. Christ | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Jesus H. Christ

A Short Story

25
Jesus H. Christ
firstumcsylva.org

Greg was never one for going to church and enjoying it. His parents made him every Sunday, and to make matters more of a drag, the pastor had asked him to put away the Bibles from the day’s service, prolonging the young man’s stay in the place he did not believe in.

After the worship finished at the downtown Methodist church, Greg was stuck on this favor for the pastor whom the young man heard muttering at the head of the altar. He seemed fairly frustrated.

“Jesus H. Christ…” the pastor muttered.

“What?” Greg said out of surprise a little too loudly because the priest turned to him and was looking obviously abashed.

“Sorry…” Greg whispered as if HE had used the lord’s name in vain.

“No, I shouldn’t act like this in present dress,” said the pastor as Greg warmed up to conversation beyond regular post-scripture reading greetings. He moved up to the front of the altar to talk more.

“What does the ‘H’ even mean?” Greg said.

“Pardon?”

“The ‘H’? I’ve heard it dozens of times before, but I have no clue what it means.”

“Well…not to spread the lord’s name falsely, but some believe his middle name to be Harold.”

“What?!”

“‘Hallowed be thy name’…‘Harold be thy name,’” said the pastor with what Greg swore (not on the lord’s name) was a smile.

“Wow, I guess some guys with lisps perpetuated that a long time ago,” said Greg with a chuckle.

“Yes, perhaps,” said the pastor, happy to humor Greg with conversation. He was still pissed he spilled coffee on his otherwise pearly white vestment.

“Well, good to learn even more from today’s church!” said Greg falsely brightly, ignoring public affirmation of his atheistic beliefs as he restrained himself from talking to his pastor about it.

Relieved of his extra favor to the church, Greg walked briskly away from the altar as the priest wiped the smudge frantically from his ruined robes.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

A Year At JMU As Told By 'Bob's Burgers'

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

146
Bob's Burgers
collegian.com

A year at JMU promises many great adventures. The journey of becoming a duke and learning what being a duke is all about is really exciting and a lot of fun. Of course, we all know that James Madison University is the greatest university in Virginia (perhaps even the entire country). There are many events and moments at JMU that are cherished and remembered by all dukes.

Keep Reading...Show less
birthday party

My birthday has never been my favorite holiday. I've found that I'm more excited to celebrate my friends' and family members' birthdays more than my own. I don't like being the center of attention, so I usually celebrate over dinner with a small group of family and friends. This way, I can enjoy myself naturally without feeling like I have to entertain everyone and make sure they are satisfied. In the past when I've had large parties, I was so nervous that people weren't perfectly content that I didn't enjoy myself at my own celebration.

Keep Reading...Show less
thinking
College Informations

Most of us have already started the spring semester, and for those of you who haven't started yet, you suck.

It seems like coming back from winter break wouldn't really be a break all things considered, since we all come back to school and pick up right where we left off. We know exactly what to expect, yet we're unprepared every single time.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Dear Future Me, Life Is Tough But Please Remember These 14 Things

You can forget to breathe OR to buy fruit OR to even pet a dog but you cannot forget these things!!

86
Dear Future Me, Life Is Tough But Please Remember These 14 Things
Distractify

Dear Future Me,

I know you still overthink everything and you care too much, but I hope you're loving life regardless of what you're going through. Trust me the ups and downs in life are helping you and shaping you remember that. I know that you think you are wiser and "cooler" than me now but I hope you remember these 14 things that have taught you so much already.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

16 Secrets Anthropology Majors Never Admit To

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

6384
cave
CSU

I'm an anthropology major, and I love every minute of it. I couldn't tell you why, but I guess there's just something about studying different lifestyles that absolutely fascinates me. But anthropology majors definitely have our weird sides, especially when you go to a school that is filled with mostly Business and Bio majors. But us weirdos definitely have a lot in common, specifically these 16 things.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments