We all have felt it – you’re scrolling through your Instagram feed and you feel like everyone is adulting way harder than you are, or living a life you wish that you were.
Let’s break down jealousy in its most modern forms, so we can all combat it together, and enjoy the awesome life we were given.
#1. Relationships – Where Jealousy wants to third wheel
We don’t need to feel jealous when we are in a relationship with someone and if you do, you’re either not with the right person, or you have some reflecting to do. Let’s say that your significant other’s ex texts them and you see their name show up, how do you feel at first? Rage? Sadness? Confusion? Over what? The person you are dating is dating you for a reason.
You are valuable, likeable, interesting, and you bring something to the table that obviously the person before you did not. You have to know that your partner's exes are actually a blessing because they brought them to you. A series of events occurred that made the person you are in a relationship with make a list that included all of the things that you are, and all of the things that their exes are not. Instead, look at their exes as a vehicle that drove them to you. If you don't trust your partner, that is something you both should work on together. You are a strong, independent, asset to society - you will impress yourself and your partner by handling old flings like a pro.
Next up, your exes. Do you ever catch a picture of your ex on social media with someone and you try to justify why you are better than them? But why? Instead, I am asking you to feel happy for them that they found someone to take care of them and deal with the things that you previously could not. They deserve happiness just the way that you do. Their new significant other will soon find out about all of the little things you couldn’t stand about them, and hopefully, they won't even mind. Something wasn't working out for one reason or another which is why they are called an ex to begin with.
Everything happens for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and all of the people you "loved" were necessary for the building of your heart, your mind, and your tolerance for crazy. Wish the best for your exes, and good things will come back around for you too. Life is way too short to be dwelling on your past. You can’t build a new house with old bricks.
#2 Social Media - Where Jealousy has millions of likes
Have you ever posted a profile picture of yourself laying on your bed watching Netflix, in an old t-shirt, covered in Cheeto dust, with your retainer in. Cool. Neither have I.
Everyone posts their best photos of themselves, that they have chosen out of a gallery of selfies or group shots, that has been filtered and edited to their standards. I can assure you that any profile picture of me, is not remotely how I look now, as I sit with my hair piled on top of my head, my baby blanket wrapped around my neck, and my mascara rubbed around my eyes. Social media can be deceptive in the way that it portrays people living a really fun, glamorous life, where they always look great, eating delicious meals and where everyone is getting engaged.
The adorable thing about my generation is the way that they share events in their lives. Have you ever been standing at a concert, and your favorite song comes on, so you take that 10-second snap video of it, and then make it your snap story. Sure I can tell you about my good time, but I want you to see what I am seeing, even if I paid $300 to be at this concert, and you are sitting at home with your retainer in, covered in Cheeto dust. My whole life isn't this fun, but this one moment is.
I want you to realize, your peers only snap chat things that are funny, interesting or a really good time. I do not need to share that I have watched HGTV for a solid 13 hours, but I do want you to know that I drank rosé in Central Park today, even though it rained right after I took that photo.
If you are the happiest when you are binge watching Orange is the New Black and your only exercise today was going for a walk to enhance your Pokemon master skills in Pokemon-Go, that is okay! Finding happiness in the little things, instead of allowing the jealousy of other people's lives, rule your life, is how you will win, every time. Take care of yourself, and what you like to do, and when you like to do it.
Who cares if you only get 18 likes on your Instagram of your dog, you love your dog! You don't need other people to love your dog. The people that get a lot of likes on selfies probably paid for those likes. Your worth is defined by who you are as a person, how you rise to the occasion for your family and friends, how hard you work at your job, and how you allow your heart to see the world.
I encourage you to put your phone down during the best times in your life and actually experience it with the people around you because we only get one shot at this. Live your life for the acceptance of you, not the acceptance of others. You will gather an actual following and not a virtual one.
#3 Friends and Family - Where Jealousy is a big home-made itchy sweater
I want you to know how loved you are, by everyone in your life. I know how sometimes life can feel really lonely, or that no one understands you, but at the end of the day, feel closure in the fact that everyone feels that way at some point in their life. You bring so much to the table with your humor, your opinions, your talents and your ideas, that you are essential to the lives that you touch.
It can be frustrating when you see the awesome gift your parents got your sibling for their birthday, and all you got was a gift card. This situation does not show favoritism towards your siblings, your parents are simply supplying a need for them, a need that maybe you did not have because you are out in the world living your life and providing for yourself. Instead of feeling jealousy in this circumstance, change it. You are so excited that your parents got your sibling a hoverboard because they really wanted to get around on two wheels that may randomly catch on fire. You pay for 4 wheels on your own that help you get to and from work! GO YOU!
I encourage you to feel genuine happiness for your family members when they are happy, they are your friends for life, you need to take care of each other. Call your mom when you miss her, ask how she is doing, she is getting older just like you are. Your relationship with your family members relies on you as well, you can control the energy of how you all interact with each other.
The transition from high school to college, to the real world is hard for everyone. The bonds you create with others in each phase of your life are extremely important and are molding the experiences you have. Losing friends along the way is only natural. You all are out living your lives the best you can, so don't take anything personally when you lose touch with someone you spent so much time with. At some point, everyone has to move away, or move in with other people. Significant others also play a role when you are wondering why your friends can't spend as much time with you as they used to. Your friends will get great jobs, move to awesome cities and make new friends along the way. I want you to always be the friend to others that you would want for yourself. Even if they almost never return the favors you do for them, that's okay, everyone loves in different ways.
Do what you can to always be there for the people you want to keep in your life. Visit them as much as possible, be a shoulder to lean on, call randomly, text them when you think of them and let them know you miss them. Small simple gestures will keep your friendships alive. Even if your friends are off backpacking Europe and you are living in your parent's basement, jealousy has no room in a friendship. Reach out, send your love, ask how they are doing, don't be a stranger just because their life is getting in the way. Yes, phones work both ways, so let the phone do its job on your end, even if it is not reciprocated.
Forget the whole grass is greener on the other side thing, the grass is only greener where you water it.
