Today, I cried like a newborn baby. Today my daughter began her journey of school and started Kindergarten. I had no idea it would rip my heart out in the process. I stayed strong in the beginning and even smiled and encouraged her until she walked in the building and looked back and waved goodbye. That is when I lost it. I mean I boo hooed almost the entire first day. Spent the whole day wondering and worrying about her and how her day was going.

No one warned me. I mean people gave me their opinions and experiences but NO ONE TOLD ME about the devastation and worry and almost emptiness I would feel. It looked something like this….

(Source: Flash News YouTube Channel Aug 22, 2016).

I went through so much to have my daughter. Before her we lost two babies during pregnancy. Just to have her I had to have weekly shots and a surgery all during pregnancy. When I finally laid eyes on my daughter I knew she was worth it and she was beyond special. I did not let her out of my sight. She did not even go to the nursery at all. I wanted my baby with me. She did not go to daycare or preschool. No, she stayed home with me and I home-schooled her. She knows her colors and her alphabet. She knows her numbers (she can count up to 100) and she knows her shapes (including hexagons, nonagons, and decagons). She is extremely bright. We both worked hard to make sure that she would not be behind because she was home.

I wrestled a lot with the choice to continue homeschooling her or if she should go to school. Inevitably I decided that I wanted her to experience the world a bit and I eventually want to go back to work full time so we decided on school.

However, no amount of books I read or conversations I had could prepare me for how I felt. I felt almost pushed away. Like the school was taking over and I was being pushed to the side and my little baby was becoming a little girl, a young lady. I am NOT ready!

In the paperwork they gave us there was a 1-800 number for parents who need help and guidance to get through the transition of their children starting Kindergarten. I laughed when I first saw that. I thought, ‘that is so pathetic’. Just a few days later, when the day finally came I looked at the number for a good five minutes contemplating dialing the number. I decided to call my mom instead.

We talked, we cried, we laughed, and she helped me put my mind at ease. Reminding me of how many times she has been through this herself and how many more times I would have to go through this. She also advised me that this was the first step in a lifetime of experiences where I (the parent) would have to let go and let her grow up some more.

Dr. Deanna Pledge spoke a lot about these feelings and gave great tips in an article for Today.com. Dr. Pledge stated, “The first day of kindergarten is “a huge milestone” – for parents, as well as kid. Once they go to school, the child is embarking on a life of his or her own. [They're] going to find other positive role models and the parent is going to be less central”.

I get it, I know she has to be independent and grow up and school will definitely help her achieve that. I just have to get used to it all I guess. In the meantime, I am going back to my ice cream and I am going to cry A LOT! I will be outside of the school an hour early just waiting to see that million dollar smile of hers. I also have already volunteered for next week.

I am going to do all I can to help myself cope and be the best MOM I can be on this new level and new experience for both me and my daughter.