I remember my very first Myers- Briggs test. I was in middle school, and I had heard of it from a friend and decided to give it a go. I don't remember the last few letters of the four letter sequence, but I do remember the first. It was an (insert drum roll here) I. The I stood for Introvert, and though I was a little shocked, I could see it because I tend be reserved at times.
When I got to high school, and was literally forced out of my comfort zone by the new surroundings, I had to take it again for a class. I thought I knew what my results were going to be, but to my surprise, the first letter came out as an E. I was a little puzzled, but over time I came to realize that high school had formed me to be a little more outgoing than I had been in my earlier years.
As I left the high school scene, I couldn't help but wonder which would be more dominant when I got to college. Just recently, I took the quiz again. The result came as a shock to me: 50 percent each. I didn't even know that was "allowed" on the quiz. It came time to share my results with my professors and all I could say was "I have no idea." They thought I hadn't taken the quiz, but I explained the situation. As I explained, they nodded and then told me to pick. Pick? Pick a personality? Pick one half of myself? I did what I was told though, and therefore referenced myself as an Extrovert. However, I do have an Introvert side that cannot be contained, and as these two sides collide, the struggles of being both sides tend to shine through.
You never know which side will show at social gatherings.
This struggle is definitely real. Depending on the environment, people may see the reserved side of you, or they may see the super outgoing side. With that kind of pressure, it is hard to prepare yourself. If the Introvert side comes out, people may see you as stand- offish or even a little stuck up. They may think you don't want to be there, even if you are extremely thrilled. If you haven't prepared the Extrovert side, people may think you are flat out crazy. The excitement of everything consumes you, along with the full-on imbalance of completely shutting off the Introvert side. You may come off as hyper and even obnoxious. All of a sudden, you are spouting out words that don't make sense and people are completely overwhelmed by you. Take this from someone who has been there.. this does happen.
The side you show can change even if you have been around a certain group before.
There are so many flashbacks coming to me right now that it is hard to just pinpoint a few sentences on how rough this is. It really all just depends on how you are feeling that day. Outside sources i.e. certain classes, people you have been around, the weather, the fact that you are hungry or not can influence how you act that day. People expect a certain side, and if you are the other side, it can leave them quite puzzles. They will think you are hyper if you are usually reserved. They will think you are in a bad mood if you aren't as chatty as you usually are. The struggle of this is that people you have known for a while may think you are slightly bipolar- even if you aren't.
New friendships can get confusing.
Even if you aren't half Extrovert or half Introvert, people see you in a certain light. They relate certain qualities as they pertain to you, and sometimes reserved and outgoing are thrown out into the mix. No matter what anyone says, first impressions do leave a mark. If you meet someone in class as your reserved side first, the next time they see you, they will be expecting a shy and reserved persona. If you go into class the next time with your outgoing side on, you will shock and confuse people to no end. So many times I have heard people say "I thought you were shy!" or "Are you tired today?" (because you don't feel the need to talk it up a bunch). I have also heard from friends I have known for a while that people you have both met know you as someone completely opposite of what your old friend knows you as. If this paragraph is confusing you, welcome to the tiny glimpse of what is my life.
You feel an expectation to put on a persona with a certain group.
Once you have shown a dominant side with a certain group, whether that be family, old friends, new classmates, teammates, etc. you tend to feel obligated to be that side consistently. That fact tends to bite you in the butt on many occasions. You don't want to come off as crazy or give people whiplash. However, if you stick to just one side of yourself, you always just give 50 percent of you to people. it is a constant battle and it is one I am still trying to figure out.
Part of you will always wonder if you are slightly bipolar.
Finally, this struggle takes the cake. With all of the struggles listed above and clashing personalities, it can be kind of exhausting and even difficult to keep up with yourself. You never are completely aware of what side will show up, and it can get quite frustrating. If you feel this way sometimes, please know that you are not alone.
With all of the frustrations, there are also some unique and good qualities. You can relate to everyone in some way, whether it is going out and enjoying the company of people, or sometimes just wanting to relax with a good book or movie. You tend to be very flexible, and can have a good time with whatever you are doing. There is always a plus side to everything, and sometimes you just have to smile through the confusion.
P.S. If anyone has any tips when it comes to this, please feel free to give advice.
Sincerely,
A fellow 50 percent-er.
