It's Worse Than That, He's Dead 'Gym!' | The Odyssey Online
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Health and Wellness

It's Worse Than That, He's Dead 'Gym!'

Thoughts and questions I have while working out.

29
It's Worse Than That, He's Dead 'Gym!'
Physical Culturist

I hate the gym. Absolutely hate it. But I love food. Like really, really love chocolate and salty snacks all day. Rather than curse french fries for having loads of guilty calories, I work for them. Rather than deal with feelings of overwhelming anxiety and stuffing my thighs into my jeans, I work out. I'm not a Zumba enthusiast (though I've never tried it), and I don't run half marathons. I don't even run, but in case a tiger does get loose on campus I'd like to know that I could if I had to. Typically I spend 30-45 minutes doing cardio and then maybe take on some baby weights. I don't use protein powders or ItWorks greens (though I've heard both have their benefits). I simply stuff a banana down my throat, grab my water bottle, and go sweat for an hour. Whether you've been to the gym once or you're a dedicated exercise fanatic, you've likely asked yourself these questions and thought the same things I do almost every morning.

1. Why did I wake up this early?

2. I am not a morning person.

3. Why hasn't this dude discovered deodorant?

4. Squats are the powerhouse of the hiney. Always make time for squats.

5. How much longer do I have to chain myself to this elliptical?

6. What are those giant bouncy balls even for?

7. I can do yoga stuff on those mats.

8. I have no idea what I am doing.

9. Sweating is gross.

10. Old people are really dedicated to the gym.

11. I really want a donut. I deserve a donut.

12. Does athletic clothing make working out more fun and doable?

13. Don't neglect those arms.

14. Five more minutes.

15. When you're huffing and puffing and someone asks if you're OK.

16. I feel accomplished. I also feel like a wet noodle.

17. Now to get ready for the day.

Trying to unstick yourself from your sweaty clothes before you shower is a true struggle, and one that can sometimes burn a couple more calories. The only thing I hate more than going to the gym is going to the gym in the afternoon. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but it's true -- going to the gym before your 8 a.m. or 9 a.m. class is way easier than going after a 3 p.m. Why? When the afternoon rolls around, your waffle fries from Chick-fil-A lunch probably do, too, and you're feeling less than ready to move -- much less walk or bike. Plus, it's prime nap time before evening sporting and social events. Granted, a 5:45 alarm is no prince charming to wake up to, but just knowing that you've knocked it out for the day is absolutely great! You're more energized, your brain is more alert and you've had some time to prepare for the day. I don't know if I I've convinced you to take on morning workouts, and if you don't I really can't blame you. But if you do, eat a banana first and then hit it. I'll see ya there.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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