When I was growing up, my parents instilled a lot of lessons in me. Many of them I still remember and keep close to heart. One of these lessons was the one about being selfish. I was told that nobody likes a selfish person. It's not nice to be selfish. The whole shebang. And while I still agree with a lot of parts that lesson holds, I don't think it's bad to be selfish in certain circumstances.
I've always been the person who always put their friends and family's needs before their own. Whenever someone needed something, you could bet that I was there. Whether it'd be to comfort a friend in their time of need or if a family member needed a favor, I was more than willing to drop whatever I was doing and help them with whatever it may be. And for this, I thought I was a good person and that I was following the ways my parents taught me to live by. Helping people like this and putting their needs in front of mine did make me feel like a better person in the end.
However, this feeling didn't last forever. As the years went on and I got older, I got in the habit of treating other people better than they treat me and how i treat myself. I would be dropping whatever I was doing, whether at that immediate time or future plans, for friends who were in need of a shoulder. It almost turned into a burden of some sort, and soon enough, I began to feel bad for thinking that putting others before myself was a burden. It was selfish, I was selfish, and that did not sit right with me.
It wasn't until my freshman year of college that I realized how important it was to be able to put yourself first. I was still following the "put others before yourself" rule, but I paid no attention to how I treated myself. In the spring, I struggled quite a bit with academics, softball and my health. I remember calling my mom at one point in tears, telling her just how crappy I felt and how stressed I was becoming. Being four hours away and unable to leave work in the middle of the week, she called my dad who took off from his lunch hour and drove the 34 minutes it took from work, ending up at my campus. He bought me lunch and we had small talk and ended up walking along the beach side of campus. I explained to him everything that I had told my mom and he basically said what she had said to me earlier. That I needed to focus on myself.
By the end of the lunch hour, he drove back to work and I called my mom, assuring her that I was OK. That night, I sat down and took some time to myself, something I desperately needed. It was then that I realized just how important it is to sometimes put yourself before others. It's great to put others' needs and feelings before yours, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, if you constantly put others before yourself, you tend to ignore your own needs and feelings. And that can end badly.
The next time you tell yourself you're being selfish for putting yourself before somebody else, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and repeat these words: "I'm selfish and I'm proud." OK, OK, maybe that's a little straightforward and sounds pretty bad. I was kidding; don't say it. But putting yourself first sometimes isn't necessarily a crime. In order to further put others first, all while taking care of yourself as well, it involves being selfish.
And Edward Albert said it perfectly: "Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless."
Don't be afraid to put your needs first sometimes. And if someone has a problem with it, who cares. It's not their life and it's not their feelings. Go ahead, be selfish. It's OK.
