When I fell in love for the first time, I thought that that was it. I thought I had lucked out and found the one right away. For a long time, everything seemed perfect, until some friends pointed out that I wasn't being treated the way I deserved. I clung onto the idea that that was what love was, it was struggling for the bigger picture.
Suddenly, one day, he decided we should "just be friends". Just like that, I was left in the dark. After screaming and crying and fighting to get back what I thought was a huge loss, I finally understood that it wasn't love. Someone who loves you should not make you question your worth on a day to day basis or worry that every action you make could tip him over the edge.
I decided it was time to walk away.
I thought that the childhood friend I had grown so close to through all the years would be a friend for life. I was always the pushover friend that would never fight back for long, simply because of how much I valued the relationship. Knowing that, she took advantage of my tendencies to be a push over and would often see how far I could be pushed. It wasn't until I was sitting up at 3:30 am one autumn night begging my best friend to stay after she had friend dumped me that I realized that she was not worth my efforts.
I deleted my reply and went to sleep. It took a few days for her to realize that I was serious and she tried to bring me back, but I knew I couldn't get sucked back in. I had already walked away.
My first roommate was the closest thing that I had to a sister at that point in my life. Meeting by chance on a Facebook group for incoming freshmen, we quickly hit it off and requested each other on the housing hub. We did everything together for the first year and decided to live together again the next year.
It wasn't until the fall started up again that I noticed a big change in her. She no longer had the adventurous gleam in her eye when I invited her out to do things, or the smile on her face when I would send her funny things I found online. She preferred to stay inside and talk with her new love, one that went to school hours away. When I voiced my concern about how frequently he was visiting and how sad I was that we never hung out anymore, I received nothing in return but silence. Silence, followed by notes, followed by screaming, more silence, more notes, down to texts, down to one piece of paper. The last letter I received from her was what made me pack all my things after she had stormed off for the weekend and leave for good. I couldn't stand the thought of just sitting around for her to come back so that the silence could start up again.
The hardest things to walk away from are the ones that will lead you into the unknown.
If I had stuck around for any of these, been the pushover I was, and just let things happen, I would never have thought to be where I am today.
IT'S OKAY TO LEAVE. A sad event, a job you don't like, if your major isn't what you want any more, any unhappy relationship (friend, significant other, roommate, etc.) or uncomfortable situation is okay to walk away from or leave in the past.
Take care of yourself, and the rest will follow.
