Over the past year I have learned one of the hardest lessons-- it is okay to let go of a one-sided friendship. Life happens, people grow up and sometimes they grow apart.
Everyone has their own definition of a one-sided friendship. Personally, I see this type of friendship as one where one person, let’s call them Person A, is putting in more effort to the friendship than the other person, let’s call them Person B. Person A questions the nature of the relationship and Person B does not always realize what they are doing. Person B is not a bad person, but they can possess selfish characteristics that damage the friendship. Person A starts to feel burdened. Burdened is not exactly the word you want to use when you are describing a friendship. Friendship is a two-way street, so when it becomes one-way, it gets tough.
In the beginning, the friendship seemed promising. We enjoyed each other’s company. I listened to her and she listened to me. We laughed during the good and supported each other during the bad-- however, as the friendship continued I started to notice that my life usually took a backseat to her’s. We would still talk, but I was stuck on the listening end of the conversations. At first, I brushed it off and just thought that maybe she had more going on than I did. I patiently listened and chimed in when I could. As time went on, I realized that she always took precedence over me. Our friendship was no longer balanced like it was in the beginning. Every time we talked about whatever was going on in her life, I would feel overwhelmed with anger and frustration. I waited and waited for a simple, “How are things with you?” but I was never asked. I never stopped caring about what was going on in her life, but the relationship dynamic was changing and I did not know how to handle it.
Initially, I just wanted to cut her out of my life completely. Why would I want to spend my time listening to someone who was barely interested in how I was doing? Why would I keep someone like that in my life? Why would I maintain a friendship that I felt burdened by? Why? Because I felt guilty.
I felt guilty about completely severing our friendship. She trusted me. She confided in me. To me it did not seem right to just cut all ties without any explanation. I did not want to come off as selfish either and say, “Hey, look at me. I have stuff going on in my life, too.” But then I stepped back and realized that it is it okay to be selfish. It is okay to want someone in your life who cares about you as much as you care about them. It is okay to let go of someone who is not reciprocating.
It is easier to say that you are going to let go than it is to actually let go. Letting go is a process. I have learned that you can still be friends without answering every call or text. You can still be friends and give advice. You can still be supportive without sacrificing your well-being. You can still have that friend in your life, even if you put a little distance between the two of you.
I would not change anything about this experience, in fact, I have learned a lot. One of the most important being that some friendships are worth fighting for, but it is okay to let some go at the same time.
