If I were to describe myself in a sentence it would be "a career and success driven, pessimistic ball of anxiety." Sounds horrible but –– if it's possible –– in a good way. For some reason, no matter what I do I find myself judging... myself. Sometimes I'll just be laying in bed, watching a good show, eating, and then I'll become angry at myself. For what exactly? I'm not sure.
But because I am so obsessed with the idea of becoming successful, when I'm doing things that don't necessarily fit my definition of success I disappoint myself. It is horrible but I get jealous so quickly, in all aspects- even the ones I can not control. I just want to be the best in all categories but that's nearly impossible.
So with the small information given above you probably think that I am some hard-working, overachieving, never sleeping girl. Well, that's the very worst part. I'm not. So like many others, I want so many things yet I am lethargic. I don't remember the last time I've had a successful accomplishment or something I would consider an accomplishment.
I do have a habit of dumbing down all my "accomplishments" where many others would congratulate me but to me its something that I should have done anyways. But either way, whether I am "successful" or on the right track, the point is that I bring myself down. I've been blessed to have such supportive people around me, never bringing me down, but as a result--and in the worst ways possible--I bring myself down.
So what is the point of this horribly depressing article? Mainly to remind anyone who else is like me, and to remind myself that this is normal. To remind myself, that everything will be ok. Things that are supposed to happen will happen. So if success and happiness are on the books somewhere, it'll happen. Maybe it will take a while, maybe there will be frequent bumps in the road but what's meant to happen...will happen.
I can choose to worry, fall into slumps, and be depressed about where I am in life. But I can also choose to be optimistic about the future, become curious as to all the possibilities in life and to enjoy the moment.
As of now, I am in the first category but slowly and surely I am trying to see the light in all situations.
