Growing up, we were all afraid of something. Some of us were afraid of what lurked under the bed, others were afraid of getting lost in the mall. When I was growing up, I had a horrible fear of being alone. Not quite an unusual fear for an only child to have, but as I grew up, my list of fears began to grow and the fears on that list became even more unusual.
By the time I was 15, when I was learning how to drive, I refused to take my “new” car anywhere, because I was too afraid of getting in a car crash. My thoughts would race and I would see vivid images in my mind of all the horrible things that would happen to me, or my loved ones, if I drove–detailed injuries, even death, all haunting me each time I sat behind the wheel.
By the time I was 16, I had developed a fear of getting kidnapped from the grocery store and I refused to go anywhere without an escort, even for a loaf of bread. Just standing outside of the front entrance alone would send me into a whirlwind of tears, making my body shake and my brain turn into a pile of mush.
When the time came to apply for college, I only ever applied to one school because I was afraid of getting my hopes up and getting shot down, having developed a fear of never being good enough.
The list goes on and on.
The thought of any of these things would send me into a complete emotional breakdown. I would cry until I couldn’t breathe, and then I would sit and drown in my thoughts, worries and fears in a never ending cycle that always just led to more fear, and more tears.
Now, at age 20, I can drive by myself. I can go into the grocery store and get a loaf of bread without having a panic attack. I can even send in applications for jobs without the crippling fear of being turned away for simply not being good enough. After years of fighting my fears and hiding from them, they no longer control me. I am finally taking the reigns back on my life and I am in charge. It was a realization that gave me a chance to finally start over, and be fearless.
The anxiety and the fear and the darkness never truly go away, but they don’t have to hurt you either. Fear can only hurt you if you let it, and you are much more powerful than a single dark thought. Anxiety is simply a storm in the middle of a beautiful day. If you wait long enough, the storm will pass and you are left with a beautiful, cloudless sky.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being afraid. It keeps us alive and learning.
Just like storms don’t always have to be scary, neither does fear.
