Self-love is a hard thing for a lot of us and there are plenty of things that can lower our self-esteem: a break-up, our skin breaking out, not getting that job. These sort of negatives affect our mood, motivation, and our confidence. It's okay to feel down; sadness is a human emotion, but you shouldn't allow it to become your permanent state of being and allow it to affect how you see yourself.
The most dangerous negativity comes from ourselves in the form of unreasonable self-criticisms. Excessive self-criticism is a bad habit and is self-destructive. As motivating as quotes and positive speaking can be, healing your self-image and building emotional resilience can't just be done linguistically.
“Many words will not fill a bushel.”
It takes actions to validate a positive perspective of self. So, I've gathered a few proactive behaviors that can help you heal, grow back your self-esteem, and build the emotional resilience and balance that plays such a large factor in your confidence.
1. Manage your stress levels.
If we're always feeling stressed then it gets harder to cope with life. We begin to have a negative mindset and overreact about smaller things; it drains us of our energy. Take a look at your lifestyle and see what things you can drop. You may be doing too much and don't have time to relax, or you may find you're stressing about small things that are easily achievable — just allow yourself the chance to breathe. You should also invest in something that helps you to relax: baths, a massage, some meditation. Our bodies have a hard time functioning under so much stress and can't heal properly. Getting a massage or allowing yourself to relax can not only help you feel better physically but mentally as well.
2. Work on how you speak to yourself.
Your self-esteem is the way you see and feel about yourself; a lot of that has to do with how you speak about yourself. It's been said many times: use the best friend rule. Speak to yourself as if you're speaking to your best friend. Would you tell your best friend:
"You're disgusting and unlovable."
"You're ugly."
"You're incompetent."
No, you wouldn't, and you shouldn't speak to yourself this way either. You should notice when you succeed instead of always focusing on the negatives. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful/handsome, no matter what you believe. Focus on the things you like about yourself and tell them to yourself out loud. Do it as often as you need.
3. Take the time and effort to enjoy yourself.
As previously mentioned, it really is important to relax and allow yourself to do things you enjoy. Doing things we like helps to improve the way we feel. So build in little things: having coffee with your friends, painting a picture, going on a hike, or playing with your dog. If something makes you happy, do more of it.
4. Choose a healthy lifestyle.
Drink more water and try to limit alcohol; wake up and stretch. Pay attention to your diet and how much you exercise; working out is one of the most effective ways to improve your mental health. It helps to relieve stress, has a positive impact on depression, and helps you sleep better, which is incredibly important. Sleep is essential to our health.
5. Make small goals you can achieve today.
Accomplishing our goals helps us to feel well and productive. It doesn't always feel good to just sit down and procrastinate; it adds extra stress that brings you down. Make tangible goals you can easily complete and reward yourself when you accomplish it.
6. Declutter.
Clean out your wallet, purse, car, closet, room, etc. Imagine ridding yourself of negativity as you clean. You will feel accomplished once you are done and have that relieving feeling of being able to breathe easier. Maybe this can be your goal for the day!
7. Make a list of things you're grateful for.
It may sound silly, but it's nice to remind yourself of things you're grateful for. Sometimes we focus on the negatives happening to us and don't take the time to remember all the good. Making a list can help to remind yourself of all the good in your life — it's a window into who you once were — a reminder of what you have overcome. As you grow and think more, you can add to the list. Do you have a roof over your head? Are you able to eat three meals a day? Were you able to buy that watch you've been looking at for a month? It's the little things.
8. Remove some negativity from your life.
It's much easier said than done, and we can't control everything in our lives, but we can put the effort forward to control what we allow to affect us. You can stop talking to those who make you feel bad about yourself. You can change jobs. You can delete those text messages. You can unfollow that blog that posts too many things that trigger you and bring your mood down. You have the right to choose what is — and isn't — in your life. No one is forcing you to do such things; you are in charge completely of your own life. Take advantage of that.
9. Make a change.
Do you want to dye your hair or get a new cut? Do you want to become a vegan? Do you want to feel more confident wearing less makeup? Do you want to stop bad habits? Do you want to start loving yourself? Do it. Practice it every day. If you want to make a change, the only one who can do it is you. Like I previously said, you are in charge of your life. You have to be the one to make changes for yourself. It doesn't hurt (in the long-run) to make positive changes to your life. It may be a struggle at first, but if it's for the best, and you know it, do it.
10. Allow yourself to feel.
It's okay to allow yourself the chance to feel and grow. Recognize your emotions and try to understand them and where they may be coming from. Don't be too hard on yourself for crying, you need to vent in order to move on to better things.
"The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. The worst verbal abuse comes from our own tongue. The most negative influence is the devil on our own shoulder. The cruelest judge is the one staring back in the mirror. The person really withholding the love you need is you. No one will ever out-do you at your own mind-games. You must stop doing this to yourself!" — Bryant McGill
