It is well known that women are expected to be nurturing and emotional, and men are expected to be tough and unflappable. This expectation arises because men have historically been the breadwinners and protectors of their families. This expectation leads them to become self-reliant and tough, focused solely on getting the job done. Any stresses, frustrations, and worries have to be kept within, and a man cannot verbalize their frustrations or emotional issues, their angst and worry. Nowhere is it more plain than in America, where the myth of the self-made, stoic man dominates society. Men are expected to be unflappable machines like Snake from Escape from New York, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Theodore Roosevelt.

While using these men as role models is admirable, there is one fatal flaw to this societal ideal; internalizing your emotions leads to deeper psychological problems and unresolved tension in life. Such stress can lead to increased risk of heart disease and stroke, not to mention suicide. It is quite clear that men ought to be more open with their feelings and emotions; its simply healthier that way. While they shouldn’t necessarily voice their frustrations openly, they should confide in close friends of both genders and their significant other. But doing so is hard; the idea of needing psychological help from others is simply anathema to the realities of being a modern man.

I understand this dilemma myself. I’m a guy who is both an ENFJ and a guy on the autistic spectrum; I know what its like to struggle with expressing emotions. I have a bunch of emotions, but until a few years ago, I wasn’t naturally open with my feelings. They were always within me, and I struggled to control them at times. It wasn’t always possible for my rational side to keep it under control. Gradually I have learned to come out and be open; I try to be blunt and honest about my feelings as long as it is somewhat socially appropriate.

I quite frankly reject this archetype as harmful for men. We should not repress our feelings; we should embrace them. As an example, when Donald Trump won, I was unimaginably pissed off. I was about as angry and distressed as Goku was when Krillin was killed by Frieza on DBZ(note to non-Dragon Ball Z fans: Goku goes angry and becomes a Super Saiyan,a transformation of intense power and strength). While I unfortunately didn’t turn into a tough Super Saiyan, I expressed my feelings openly and confidently, fearing no judgment at all. I then managed my anti-Trump anger through getting involved with political activism and meditation. Now I’m only semi-pissed off that he is President.

My point is, don’t be afraid to embrace your emotions. Some guys, those who are naturally sensitive, are afraid they won’t be viewed as real men. That needs to change; social roles have already evolved for women to become more independent and assertive about their own lives. The roles and expectations for men ought to change as well. While men should not use this as an excuse to become whiny pushovers like Anakin Skywalker from the prequels, they should be more accepting that they feel and yes they have emotions too.