I remember senior year of high school feeling so anxious about picking the right college. What if I didn't make friends? What if I didn't fit in? I wanted so badly for college to be everything high school was not. I didn't want to be invisible, I wanted to have a social life, and I wanted to try and come out of my comfort zone as much as possible.

Well. the first year of college was great. I was lucky enough to be going with one of my best friends since preschool and she helped introduce me to a lot of people. I was amazed at how easy it was to make new friends. I loved that "fresh start" feeling of not having a reputation at school like I did in high school.

Everything changed the next semester when my best friend and I decided to rush a sorority. I figured this was the perfect time to step out of my comfort zone and try something new. Long story short, she got in, and I didn't. I felt crushed. I was now embarrassed walking around campus because I felt like every time I saw those girls, they were judging me. However, as time went on it didn't bother me so much. My friend and I stayed really close and I enjoyed my time with my friends that I did have and the rest of the second semester was still pretty good.

Sophomore year was OK. Out of my group of 5 friends, 2 more joined sororities. We began to see each other less and less, but we still found time every now and then to catch up. I also had a boyfriend now at school so that helped give me a little more confidence and someone else to hang out with. Still, I couldn't help not feeling jealous of my friends' bonds with their sisters.

By junior year, I had broken up with my boyfriend, my fourth friend in my group of friends had also joined a sorority, and basically all of my friends had gone on separate paths. I felt very alone. I missed that feeling of a fresh start and new beginnings that I had freshman year. I'm very shy and it's very hard for me to make friends on my own. Everyone says to get involved and join clubs but none of the clubs really stood out to me and I'm not athletic. Some of my friends who were in a different sorority than the one I rushed freshman year tried to convince me to give it another shot. They assured me that these girls were different. It took all of the confidence I had to give it another try. It had hurt enough getting rejected the first time, I couldn't imagine how it would feel getting rejected twice.

Well, I got rejected twice. This was about 3 weeks ago, and I've barely spoken to any of my friends since because I don't want it to come up in conversation. It makes me feel like my senior-year-self was right. Everything I had hoped for in college was a waste. I mean, I did have a good freshman year, and even first half of sophomore year, and I'm grateful for that. But now I feel like I belong nowhere at school, I'm embarrassed to walk around campus seeing the sorority sisters that rejected me, and I feel too awkward to talk to my own friends.

But what I try to remind myself is that like high school, college is such a small part of your life. Maybe I don't fit in here, but that doesn't mean I don't fit in anywhere. I still have a handful of good friends from high school, which a lot of college students don't have.

I have two jobs and am really close with my coworkers at both of them, and am really close with my family. That's what matters, as long as you have people close to you, it doesn't matter where they're from. I'm not saying my friends at college don't mean anything to me anymore, they've just found a group they belong to and I have not. It's not their fault I didn't get into their sororities. I know they still care about me, and I care about them too, but people go their own ways.

I hope that in a couple of years when I'm married and have kids and a great job, that I can say those are the best years of my life. Everyone finds where they belong eventually. I guess college just isn't my time.