I am not lazy. I am not boring. I am not just being a bitch. I suffer from Bipolar II disorder, which means my depression episodes are worse than my manic episodes. It takes a toll on my everyday life, making it hard for me to get out of bed, interact normally with other people, and complete simple tasks. I don't sleep all day because I'm lazy, or because I want to. It's not an excuse for my actions, it's a real thing that I go through every day, as well as close to 5.7 million American adults.
It is not impossible to live a good life with Bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness. I have been recently diagnosed with this, and I myself am still learning how to fully cope with it. It explains a lot of things that have happened to me in the past: my bad temper, pushing friends away, lack of sleep, dissociation, depersonalization, and low motivation, to name a few. I've lost friends, missed out on events, suffered with my academics, as well as missing out on other things I loved to do. I never explain to people what is going on with me, or what I have, and this is my way of coping. By writing, because I really believe more light needs to be shined on mental illnesses. They need to stop being romanticized. There's nothing cute about depression or anxiety.
Many people have a skewed view on Bipolar disorder. It isn't just mood swings, guys. There's so much more to it.
Manic and depression periods can last for days, weeks, or months. And yes, there are mood swings, but they aren't always drastic. People with BPD can also experience anxiety, hopelessness, loss of interest in things they love, and so much more. It's not fun to live with. One of the hardest parts is hoping people understand. Admitting you have a mental illness is really tough to do, and it's even harder when it feels like you have no one by your side.
People with mental illnesses don't need to be "fixed." They need a shoulder to lean on, and ear to listen, and a hand to hold. It's hard telling people if you suffer from this because it can feel like a cry for help, a plea for intention. That's also how many others see it. If it's real and it's something you're going through, reach out, talk to someone. You deserve it.
I don't like the way mental illnesses are romanticized. It's hard to watch a movie or tv show or read a book without having a character with a mental illness, who is all of a sudden cured by the end of the story. That's not real life, it's not how it works.
It's great to have a support system, I'm thankful for them every day. My mom always supports my decisions, and I can always talk to her. My roommates (who have become very good friends) are also always there for me when I need them, even if it's something as small as having to drag me out of bed to do something with them.
I'm done hiding and being ashamed of it, it's not who I am, but it is what I am overcoming.
To anyone I've pushed away: I'm sorry. I hope it makes more sense.
To anyone with a mental illness and finds it hard to cope: you aren't alone. There's always someone there with open arms to love and support you.
