Hey gang! Last time in my "Amanda Tells You How to Live Your Life" installment of Bad Advice by Amanda, I schooled you in the wonders and joys of going to the movies by yourself. It's holiday party SZN, which means lots of social interactions with people you probably kinda/most likely hate. I thus felt my magical bad advice touch was needed, so here's how you can have the #mostlit holiday party this side of the Equator!
1. Buy the most obnoxious Holiday™sweater.
It's not a Holiday™ party without one! Goodwill and Salvation Army are the best places to find an obnoxious Holiday™ sweater, but I've heard through the grapevine that Walmart and Kmart have some good ~modern~ ugly Holiday™ sweaters. My twin sister found one at Walmart with cats on it, and last year I saw a poppin' Holiday™ vest that I didn't buy because I was -- and still am -- poor af.
2. Wrap Holiday™lights around your midriff/wear actual Holiday™ decorations. ![]()
Here is me doing both at my college newspaper's Holiday™ party and it was a big hit! Your local drugstore should have both battery-operated LED lights and Holiday™ decorations, so all you have to do is buy them and -- you guessed it -- wrap them around your midriff and put them on your body/head. If you're not a midriff kind of person, then just wrap them around yourself and put the battery packs in your butt pockets. If you are a midriff kind of person, lodge the battery packs in your glittery festive tights and hope for the best.
3. Listen to the "LIT C*****MAS" playlist I made on Spotify
I made this for said college paper Holiday™ party and no one really listened to it because we were all too busy having fun and talking like friends!!! Anyway, it's 10 hours long and features Holiday™ albums from Justin Bieber, Mariah Carey (the 1994 one, not the sad sequel she made in 2010), Pentatonix (both of their Holiday™ albums because festive a capella is the best a cappella), Ariana Grande and, most importantly, Smash Mouth (yes, Smash Mouth has a Holiday™ album!!!). There are also some good ol' classics on there too, but feel free to skip those.
4. Drink hella #festive libations (if you're of age!)
Step one: Go on Pinterest and find some easy #festive drink recipes
Step two: Go to the liquor store and buy alcohol
Step three: make said easy #festive drink recipes
If you're really inept, all you need to do is make some hot chocolate in a crockpot, add a bunch of peppermint schnapps and call it a day. Make sure you have a ladle to disperse your chocolate-y festive jungle juice to your friends. And if you're under 21, meet me at the kids table and we can drink regular hot chocolate together.
If your Holiday™ party is not lit after following these steps, it's probably because you didn't play the LIT C*****MAS playlist that is accepting of all holidays, including, but not limited to, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Festivus. Sorry. There's always next year.
I also write a bad advice column. Please submit. I beg of you.
