It. Will. Be. Okay.
These four simple words have comforted me. Especially in the last three weeks. Some days, I want to believe it, other days, I want to quickly change that when I am going through another rough week.
For those that have been out of the loop, I am battling an all too familiar enemy in my life-an enemy that keeps reoccurring for the at least the last 20 years. Only this time, I am getting major support from family and friends.
Depression has been a bad attachment in my life. Off and on, this disease have pushed away friends, connections and others. Sleepless nights still occur, but not as often. I am beginning my regular therapy sessions with my therapist and in the upcoming weeks, I will be seeing a doctor that will be responsible for my medications and how I am doing with them. It is with this that I can finally exhale.
One of the first phrases that doctors and counselors and therapists often say to clients throughout the course of treatment is the above title. It should help most of the time, but not for me. I've been a guinea pig for different medications, something that has started since I was a child. I can't begin to tell you how many doctors that has treated me since at the age of 8. And here is my all-time favorite, having professionals to help but are booked all the way up until November.
It is no secret that the mental health community still has a lot of work to do. However, I have seen progress. For starters, people are ready to admit that mental health is a serious problem. A problem that the current community corrections can't see. Mental hospitals are quickly being built to aid the souls of people that need it-not the jail houses. More classes are being offered to those that are pursuing a career in the healthcare field. More dialogue is being brought up at churches and other community centers across the country.
Until we get into the thick of it-that mental health and depression and anxiety is still a laughing matter, things will not be okay. It's still troubling to see that friends will be there for you if you sprained your ankle or arm, but if its a mental health issue, they are the first to create a space between you and have nothing to do with you, that hurts. It hurts to me still to this day. Whether its friends, family or for a particular person who I thought was going to be the person that I was going to spend the rest of life with but quickly turned me away once it became known that I wasn't okay and that I needed help. Just the thought of seeing him still hurts me. I wish people who is battling depression like me didn't have to go through this pain that I deal with every night. I don't know, perhaps, one day, we can start over as friends and perhaps rekindle the love we had.
All isn't bad news with this fight. I have met people both in person and across social media sharing their personal stories about depression. As I mentioned in my last depression-themed post, people that I never would've imagined that had depression are expressing their deep feelings. Even the sister of the guy that I still have feelings for, has been battling depression since her early high school days. While on our way to a quick run for lunch, she shared at how she always had a self-esteem issue. Being the emotional sap that I am, I began to cry as she expressed her inner pain that I didn't even know existed in her. I have the utmost respect for her. We understand each other and how society thinks (some society still do) that we are crazy and that both of us would be better off locked up in a mental institution.
Its with this that we both uttered the same words that has been used by mental healthcare professionals across America: It's. Going. To. Be. Okay.
There was so much meaningful when we said it to each other. We knew. For sure.
