It’s definitely never easy to scroll through social media and look at all the people you once were inseparable with, wondering what they’re up to, and wishing you were that person to know exactly what that instagram caption was about. Losing your best friend feels like a break up with a boyfriend, but maybe equally as heart breaking and horrendous. It’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with, and I know many of you can relate, or you may be the type to brush it off and move on immediately (which I wish I was the type of person to do). This article could relate to the people who want their final say to their former best friends, or it could be seen as a simple rant. Whether this relates to you, or not at all, everyone at some point has gone through this.

We all go through friends hoping that they’ll be the lucky person you’ll look to in the audience when you get married, or maybe that life-long friend that will be at the alter with you (extremely high expectations, but it comes across your mind). Especially in high school, and even college, you’ll come across all these different groups and cliques of people, finding out where you might or might not belong. Then, once you meet your close group of friends, it almost seems inevitable that you can finally give them the title as your “best friends.” Just the fact and the idea that you have these people are going to be with you through all of the tears, laughs, and drama that you’ll encounter within the next few years instantly gives you that heart-warming feeling. But, also this comes with the horrifying feeling of being attached, and the possible “breakup” of the friendship.

From recently binge watching the Gossip Girl series, you would think that if Serena and Blaire, after all the backstabbing and drama they’ve dealt with can survive, that any other friendship issues could survive anything. But, you realize that as you grow older, you lose more friends than you gain. Whether you thought that it was their fault, or you blamed yourself, it’s hard to convince yourself that everything happens for a reason. From what I’ve learnt, you will develop an ultimate trust and comfort for your best friends, but at some point, that expectation that you’ve built around them could be torn down by something that you can’t forgive and forget, you just leave and let go, but that’s even harder to cope with. Once you attach yourself, it’s hard to see the flaws in the people that you trusted with your secrets, and the people who you built this extremely tight bond with that your parents treated them like they were their own, which was probably the shittiest feeling. It was hard for me to deal with the fact that you opened yourself up so damn much, but it seemed like it was for nothing.

Broken friendships can ultimately feel like (in a dramatic sense, depending on your point of view) your world is falling apart because the people or person, you thought you could trust the most seemed to turn their back, or maybe it was you who stopped making the effort because you realized you deserved better. I’ve held grudges, along with constant debates back and fourth, trying to convince myself that I’m better off without these people or this person, but it always comes back to the point where you realize you can’t do anything about it, and they made more withdrawals in your life than deposits. You clearly think about all the good times with this person, scrolling through photos in your iPhone album, thinking of all the good times you had, but when all those good times are completely washed out by all the things that broke you, you start hurting, and that hurtful feeling is something that you don’t think you can recover from.

As time goes on, and as you meet people from all walks of life, it’s extremely difficult to know whether you can actually call certain people your “best friend,” but that shouldn’t allow yourself to be closed off because if you’ve dealt with that shitty feeling of losing someone, you don’t realize that it made you stronger as a person, and honestly, you can say fuck it and move on.

Now, when you see that post on instagram or facebook, or walk into a cafe where you and your former best friends used to hang out, just hope that they’re doing well, and wish them all the best because at one point they had that significant impact on your life. Whether you’re still bitter about that one huge fight you had a couple years ago, or you saw those posts where you were excluded, it’s not the end of the world. They have their life, and you have yours. But whether you like it or not, it’s heartbreaking to see that one person you called and told to about everything is no longer present, but it happened, life happens. Think about it: 5 years down the line, if you can see this person in your life, make the effort, and if you can’t, it’s ultimately your choice. If this person was meant to be in your life, just as a relationship, you will find your way back to them. But, if you don’t think those feelings of hurtfulness will vanish, then it’s not worth it. It’s definitely not easy to move on, but it’s not healthy to hold on. Maybe you needed that person in that specific chapter in your life, but now that you’re in a new chapter, you guys are in completely separate books. Hold onto the people you know will be there. It’ll take time to get over, but you’ll be okay. I know you feel hurt, betrayed, and alone, but this feeling won't be forever. It's only temporary. You are loved, and one person who left might make a huge difference, but that person may have made room for someone even greater.