Relationships are weird. There’s really no road map or set plan laid out for a “normal” relationship. Now, more than ever, the lines that define a relationship are becoming more and more blurred. Things are just assumed, and you know what they say about assuming… If you don’t know, just google it. People will assume things based on what they see or hear from other people, especially when it has to do with a relationship. But when assuming just isn’t doing the job, we hear questions like, “What are y’all?”, “How’s ____ doing?” and my personal favorite, “Are y’all dating yet?” Although these seem like harmless inquisitions, sometimes it makes things quite uncomfortable. These questions add to the pressure of constantly being interested in someone, and you’re lying if you say you’re single and happy. Apparently there is something wrong if you are not in a strictly defined relationship. Because of this notion, I have found myself unable to conjure up a suitable answer for these questions, forcing my response to be, “It’s complicated”.

Before I go any further, let me clear something up. You don’t have to answer these questions. It is no one else’s business to discuss, question, or comment on your relationship status. This includes best friends, roommates, family, and strangers. Do not feel pressured to tell everyone your business. I’ve found it’s actually in your best interest to keep it all under lock and key rather than available to the general public. People talk, sometimes a little too much. And the culmination of gossip, rumors, and secrets end up making the already murky waters of a relationship cloudier and even more difficult to navigate. So be careful who you open up to. Only a few people care, the rest are just curious.

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I am no stranger when it comes to the concept of a “complicated” relationship. If you are one of the lucky souls who has not shared in my fortune, don’t worry. There are a handful of songs and films that can give you some insight. Rihanna and Avril Lavigne have both released songs titled “Complicated”, both of which I still love screaming at the top of my lungs when I’m riding solo. Then there are the oddly similar, but still so hilarious, rom-coms “No Strings Attached” with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, and “Friends With Benefits” starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Both of these movies portray an attempt at the fantasized idea of friends with benefits. Everything starts out fine, everyone is having fun, what could go wrong? The inevitable happens, and like all movies, someone starts falling for the other person. The idea that a relationship can go from no commitment outside of occasional hook ups to someone catching feelings is the epitome of “it’s complicated”. One person starts to get jealous and there’s usually one enormous fight which climaxes with the exchange of harsh words somewhere along the lines of, “I never want to see you again.” But don’t worry, Hollywood always loves a happy ending so of course the main characters end up living happily ever after because it turns out they’ve been in love this whole time. They just needed to have a super deep, five minute conversation with a semi-important secondary character.

But life isn’t like the movies, and not every ending is going to be a happy one. More often than not, if a relationship is labeled as “complicated” it’s not going anywhere but downhill. If you were to develop feelings, it seems like you only have two choices: tell the other person or keep your mouth shut. The first choice could result in a Hollywood movie ending, where both people live happily ever after. On the other hand, you risk totally ruining the relationship you have with the other person, cutting all ties, and making things painfully awkward anytime you are in the same room. And by keeping your mouth shut you subject yourself to internal conflict and torment every time the other person is brought up in a conversation or you see them in passing and all you can say is “Hi”, because if you open your mouth for too long you’re unsure of what exactly will come out.

More often than not, friends with benefits/no strings attached/”it’s complicated” don’t have a happy ending. So why do we do this to ourselves? I’ve been in relationships where I don’t know where we stand solely because we don’t talk about it. We are scared of the idea of actually having a conversation about our feelings and the idea of commitment is almost outlandish. But the only way to avoid or exit the status of “it’s complicated” is to have those sometimes difficult and awkward conversations. Granted, I’ve tried keeping my mouth shut and ended up hurting me more than anything, including the actual relationship. I’ve opened up to someone and been completely shut down. I’ve lost friends and had to deal with the aftermath of broken relationships because it was “too complicated”.

So what it really comes down to is asking yourself one question: is it worth it? Is it worth it to put yourself out there and tell someone how you really feel? Is it worth it to cover up those feelings until something or someone better comes along? Here's my advice: whatever you do, do it with all you've got. You're either all in, or all out. I have learned that life is too short to live with looming regrets or what if moments. Obviously, your personal safety and health are top priorities, but it is okay to live a little. Just like birds can’t learn how to fly without taking that first jump, you can't learn if you never make a mistake. I’ve made my share of mistakes and I’m still learning. But I’m twenty years old and that’s okay. Just try not to waste your time with things that are complicated. A simple life is a beautiful life, and that is what I wish us all.