I was just ten when I found out one of the most important person in my life passed away. I was just eight when he was diagnosed with a disease worse than death, Alzheimer's. I was just a child and didn't realize what was actually happening, but I do remember that out of everyone, he never forgot who I was.
Grandpa, or as I always called you, Papa, I'm 21 now. It's been 11 years and there still isn't a day where I don't miss you. Still to this day, I feel cheated that I only got ten years with you.
I remember the day. It was a Monday, and when I got home from school, something didn't feel quite right. My parents were gone for most of the afternoon and evening. One of my brothers stayed home with me, and he was already aware of the situation. I was left in the dark. 9pm rolled around, and this is when I knew something wasn't right. My mom would never be out this late on a school night, especially since she's a teacher and this was her bedtime.
Then my parents came home and my mother called me out to the deck, to "talk" with me.
What did I do wrong? What am I in trouble for this time? These thoughts filled my head. Then the words came out.
"Papa passed away today," she finally told me.
I remember not saying anything at all. I just sat there and watched the cars drive past. It was a nice, calm night on the farm house.
I remember the silence that overcame me during that week. I wasn't talkative during the visitation. I was still in a state of shock. Walking in the room and seeing the casket in the corner. Nothing was okay. Nothing seemed like it would be okay.
I remember the funeral. It was cold, and the rain was holding off. I remember completely losing it after my final goodbye to you.
I remember going to school the next day to do our 4th grade play. I remember how much I wanted you there, but reassuring myself that you were there watching over me.
It's been 11 years. Things have drastically changed. I've lived in a different state, I'm in college now, and about to go to my first summer internship. Your granddaughter is finally doing something with her life, and I know you still have my back.
