Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. Throughout my childhood, there was always something so enchanting about the routine of dying eggs Saturday evening, waking up early the next morning to hunt for a basket full of goodies, and donning a fresh new outfit for Easter service complete with frills, lace, and pastels. After church, the frills were exchanged for PJ's and a marathon consumption of peeps, jelly beans, and chocolate eggs ensued while my siblings and I awaited the early afternoon feast ahead.

That was Easter when I was little. My parents have since ceased to supply sugary goodies for the celebration of Jesus' resurrection, and I am lucky to scrounge something up from my wardrobe to serve as an Easter ensemble. Despite the cessation of goodies and frilly outfits, Easter is still one of my favorite holidays.

Why?

Easter is still one of my favorite holidays because I am a girl who has been redeemed through the resurrection power of Jesus Christ. When Easter was all about the fanfare of candy, eggs, outfits, and dinner, I had an incomplete understanding of the grace of God. I could not comprehend the brevity of the grace of God and the sacrifice of His son until I was 18.

Because I didn't grasp the full meaning of atonement until the age of 18, I began to instigate the cracks in the foundation of my downfall in my early teenage years. My parents maintained the tradition of Easter basket well into my early teenage years, but the treats became easier to find with each passing year. Similarly, the necessity for grace in my life became easier to find. An adeptness in gossip, an air of superiority, and a precarious self-esteem combined to yield the most difficult years of my life. The years most worthy of God's grace in my life, yet devoid of it. The fruit of my gossipy, haughty, anxious crop induced profound anxiety attacks at age 16 and led to an excruciating break-up at age 17. The anxiety attacks of 16 and the break-up of 17 led to the downfall of my perceived superiority and the accentuation of self-consciousness and self-loathing. The catastrophic cocktail of my middle years of high school led me to the pit of despair. It was in that pit that I found a man with nails in his hands and scars on his brow. A man who looked at me, and despite the depravity of my frayed nerves and wounded self-confidence, called me lovely.He saw my anxious, uncertain, saddened disposition and decided that he would die so that I could know the love of his Father. By the age of eighteen, that is what Easter came to mean to me.

Now, Easter is a reminder of the place where I found Jesus. The weepy girl who couldn't walk into youth group because of her acute social anxiety found Jesus. The girl who slipped into a bout of depression because of the massive rejection she faced from a boy she thought she loved, found Jesus. And the girl who continued to sin and mess up in the years to come still finds Jesus.

I find Jesus every day. I find Jesus in my sinful thoughts. I find Jesus in my failures. I find Jesus in my weakness. And when I find him, he reminds me that because he suffered, I can live. Despite the anxiety I battle every day, I can approach the throne of God. Despite the guilt I feel for poor decisions I have made in the past, I am called lovely by the one who spun the earth into motion. No matter the state or circumstances of my depravity, because Jesus died, I can live.

What Does Easter look like now . . . ?

For the girl who has been redeemed of her shame, guilt, and lack of faith, Easter is the ultimate reminder that God sees us. He sees our sin. He sees our wounds. And he covered it all, the human condition, the sin, and wounds, with the sacrificial lamb we call, Jesus.

I don't have to live paralyzed by anxiety, and neither do you. I don't have to feel guilty for who I am or what I have done because Jesus died so that I might have the privilege of repentance. When you accept Jesus into your heart, you have that privilege too. Freedom from your ailments and forgiveness for your points of guilt and shame all because one man paid the ultimate price.

That is what Easter means to a girl who has been redeemed: freedom.