“It is what it is,” they say.

But, I refuse. In fact, I cringe when I hear it in passing.

This phrase is something that many people wouldn’t give much thought to, but I’ve heard it is what it is so often that I started to think of it as an approved mentality, a sanctioned mindset.

At first thought, it is what it is seems harmless. It is often said as response to a challenge that couldn’t be overcome, and explains away the episode as an inevitable, unavoidable force of nature. You are accepting the position you hold, as it is. In other words, you are letting something just exist in all its uniqueness without having to categorize it or analyze it. Perhaps this creates a freeing existence in its equivocality.

If you truly think about the phrase so many of us repeat out of habit, you can begin to see the complacency behind the once seemingly innocuous message.

It is what it is neatly wraps fear, responsibility, disappointment and even failure into acceptance.

But, is it truly acceptance?

Whatever “it” is, is stagnant and ambiguous. The phrase indicates resignation, a sense of placation for a situation that could otherwise be deemed as unexpected and unsatisfactory, an explanation (or rather, excuse) for inaction, misfortune, and failure; the phrase has evolved from words to mindset.

Although often used to rationalize insufficient performance, it is what it is is also used to frame a response to a problem. The it is what it is attitude generates two similar, yet more damaging thought crimes: refusal to accept responsibility for what has happened (it is what it was) and the inability to shape what will happen (it is what it will be).

In reality, “it” is relative. “It” has untapped potential for change, but it needs encouragement instead of complacency.

How often do you hear it is what it is when you land the perfect job or promotion?

Or when you have finally saved enough money for your dream home?

Or even when a coffee shop starts selling your favorite seasonal blend?

There is no resignation or inaction in any of these situations or the many that fall in between.

“It” has incredible potential, and it needs to be treated as such. Instead of “it is what it is,” consider “it is what I make it.” “It is what I make it” allows you to take responsibility for your actions or situations, develop creative problem-solving skills, and shape how you respond to the uncertainties of life.

Allow yourself to feel defeated, but never become complacent with your position. Acknowledge your failure and turn it into fear. Let the fear fuel you. Reframe your fear into possibility, and let your responsibilities empower you. There will be challenges that seem impossible to overcome. Maybe temporarily, maybe permanently. But don’t let that deter you from acting.

You can't predict what will happen to you. But you can decide what happens in you, how you take it, and how you make it.