For the past few weeks the single life is making me think. I love all the self help books about being yourself, and how the time you spend with you, is some of the most important time you will spend in your life. I really like to think I love myself, and I would do anything for my health and happiness. I do think this time can be so hard. Being loved and having someone to love is something that I think about so often. I know my friends and family love me, and I love them. Where does this urge for more come from? I know all the typical answers, its in nature, it is human, it is just what makes you "happy''. These answers make me so confused and upset. I want to feel as free as a panther when I am by myself. I usually do, but this need to impress the ones that I am sexually attracted can really mess with my authentic self.
Sometimes I want to wear makeup and dance to Beyonce, or learn about tantric sex in all its glory. Then a thought pops in my head; What will the world think? I cannot tell you how much that sentences messes with my community and the ones I love. If we are not fitting in like the rest we see walking down the street we are judged and laughed at, or "wrong". Well this past weekend I had the privilege of attending MBLTACC 2017. Here I learned about sex, gender, and even drag queens. We got raw and talked about body image and conversations got heated, emotional. These people were choosing to be naked with us becasue they knew this knowledge and this pain needed to be uncovered. The empowerment that these powerful individuals gave me is unspeakable. The most important thing about this, was that these people figured this out about themselves when they were alone.
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When I say alone, I do not mean in spirit or abandoned, I mean dealing with feelings and pain with you and your mind. We all have a brain, and we all think things we think we should not becasue of what we are taught. I think this is one of the most scariest and yet important things about life. You will learn and see things you never saw in a classroom, never read in a book. You will have to feel these things, and process them. The battle is about letting them uncover you and not fighting what should not be fought. It is about exploring and asking for empowerment of yourself. Love is everywhere, but self-knowledge, fearless courage, that is priceless. That you have to develop, and no one can do it for you. So either become everything that your genital areas say you have to be, or be revolutionary and let your feelings become you.
