When someone hears the phrase “Blood is thicker than water,” the first thing most people think of when they hear that is that you stick with your family no matter what. Normally, this is true and there is nothing wrong with sticking with family to the bitter end. I, myself, would do anything for my family — blood or adopted. I’m extremely loyal and feel a sense of duty or responsibility to them. In concept, this is a great thing, but it can, also, be a double-edged sword. As with everyone, sometimes the people closest to you are not always the best for you all the time. If one is not careful, he or she can be caught up in a whirlwind of drama, worry and difficulty which suck the life out of those who wish to help. In an effort to avoid this whirlwind, I struggle with the balance constantly between duty to my family and my love for them. I am what is considered the “rock” of my family, and the pressure, often unintentional, placed on me causes me to feel ambivalent and numb when things go wrong. This is a common problem for the “fixers” or “rocks of family.” If you are one, you understand what I mean.

As “rocks,” our families rely on us to fix things. Whether it be helping out by cleaning or doing chores, occasionally making sure food is in the house or babysitting, rocks are called on to be there when needed. When things go wrong, rocks are the first ones called to do damage control. We are the level-headed ones who can see things from all sides and work extremely hard to keep the peace when there are disagreements. We are practically convinced that our families will fall apart if we are not there to hold it together. We are the glue and the heart of our families. Or are we?

Hear me out now. As “rocks,” we are definitely the ones most likely to keep the peace, keep the house running, help out when we can, console some and run errands for others. Doesn’t that already seem like a lot? Probably. We help more than enough, more often than not. It is not a bad thing to help out family. It is not a bad thing to feel love and duty to your family; however, my point is that when your family overwhelms your life and even possibly controls it; that is where the problem lies. When, and if, your family threatens to take over your life and your happiness, it is okay to take a step back and tell them no.

I digress in repeating that I will do anything for my family. My two years in Hartsville have taught me that they can survive without me though. They may have a tougher time without me there, but, as my dad always says, it builds character for them. It helps me to grow as well personally. We, rocks, have to find a balance between our hearts and our duty to those we hold dearest to us. For many of us, those are our family and there is nothing wrong with that. There is, also, nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and making sure you are healthy both mentally and physically. Your family and the whirlwind will be there when you come back. I promise. I am learning that it is okay to say no to my family when I need to, and I hope that this will help others to learn like I am that with everything in life, there has to be a balance. Love your family and help them as you can, but live your life as well. They will be alright without you holding their hand all the time, and you will be happier, healthier and love them more if you take care of yourself first. It is a learning process and the greatest thing about life is that we have all of it to learn which is a good thing for me. Us, rocks, are very stubborn and, even with balance, blood will always be thicker than water for me. The lesson here, though, in case it was lost in the shuffle, is that when it comes to family, it is okay to say no.