I’ve started taking a drug called Zenatane lately, which is just a generic version of Accutane. There are several other brands, but basically, if you have ever heard of isotretinoin, then you know what this drug is used for—acne.

This is my second month taking the medicine, and I am definitely a victim of some of the most common side effects, such as dry lips and irritated eyes. Isotretinoin is known for having a large list of side effects, including severe fetal deformities if a woman were to become pregnant while taking the medicine. Women are required to take a monthly pregnancy test, and a blood sample must also be taken to monitor the patient’s liver and kidney functions. The patient must also fill out a survey each month to provide the dermatologist with information about which side effects they are having along with how severe they are.

The first month on Zenatane was uneventful. I had the usual dry lips, but those could easily be fixed with a little Vaseline. I went to the dermatologist, gave them a urine sample, blood work, and filled out the survey. Everything was fine. They upped the dose, and I went to the local pharmacy to pick up my next prescription.

As the second month rolled around, I started having more side effects—depression, mood swings, irritability, and changes in my appetite. These side effects are not as easily fixable, and as I struggled to stay happy in my day-to-day activities, I started asking myself if having acne-free skin was worth it.

I decided to find out by going online to read some reviews about the medicine and see people’s personal opinions on whether they thought the side effects were worth it to them. Isotretinoin has received excellent reviews across the board with a maximum number of people stating that every side effect they endured was worth it. Some people went through hair loss and thoughts of suicide, yet believed full-heartedly that they made the right decision to continue taking the medicine.

Although this sounded shocking at first, I was not at all surprised by the comments on the screen. Whether we like to admit it or not, people connect to each other through physical appearance first, while one’s personality is put off to be examined second.

Is it really that shallow to want flawless skin in a society where one’s appearance is judged so harshly? And what’s more important—one’s own mental health or their outer appearance? As I keep taking the medicine, I answer this question for myself in my own actions. Am I making the right decision for my long-term happiness, or am I falling victim to a society which pushes perfection on humanity to the point of poisoning my body? I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions.