The end of the year coming up faster thann you can think. Maybe you're thinking everything was amazing this year and you can go on to the new year.

That's not the case for me.

Within one month, I had lost so many things that were close to me that I lost myself. My great-grandma had passed not to long ago, and well as my dog, but then I had a break up that I was not thinking it was going to happen but it did. During all this as well I was going to school keeping my grades up dealing with drama, and also working my butt off during the holiday hours that work had us doing. I did look okay, yet I told people I was okay, but really I'm not.

I never knew that I would hit rock bottom again, I never knew that it has gotten to me so much. Maybe it was because I hold my great grandma's name (different spelling) on me, so I have a lot to prove. Maybe it was with school trying to pass everything or maybe it was because of the family saying I need to do this and that. Sometimes they don't realize that I'm doing the best I can with everything I am.

It's more than doing something the best I can, within the month and a little more I have turned into something that I didn't think that was possible for me to even turn into. I started to hurt the ones that care about me, Not like actually hurting but hurting as in feelings. I never thought I would but I did and I'm not okay with this.

This person is not me at all; okay maybe some of it is but really it's not me. I have hurt my best friend, knowing she has been there for me through everything and knowing that she cares, hurts me to even think that I did that to her. I have hurt this guy who I have a crush on, I didn't think it would have gotten this far and I'm stupid for letting it hurt you more.

I want to say sorry to all the ones I have hurt, and I'm letting you know that I'm working on getting back to being the real me and not someone who hurts the people she cares about.

This is not me and I want to fix that with everyone.