Warning: This article discusses sexual topics that may be uncomfortable for some audiences and also may be inappropriate to view in a professional setting. By no means is the language vulgar or obscene, but I do occasionally reference sexual organs specifically by name.
So, Arielle Scarcella recently posted a video about a week ago expressing frustrations with comments she had gotten. To boil it down, she had been accused of being transphobic because she had said that she wouldn't feel comfortable with having sex with anyone that has a penis. At first glance, this seems reasonable, but this doesn't mean that she wouldn't just have sex with men but also trans-women and gender-non-conforming people who have penises.
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This, to me at least, opens the door to a very interesting conversation: Where should the line between respecting one person's sexuality and another's gender expression lie? Some people would take exception that such a line even exists and I understand why. There is a large history of transphobic dating practices among people of all sexual orientations, but I'm not just talking about whether or not you would date someone if they had a certain physical sex characteristic or even if you could be attracted to someone with a particular sex characteristic. I think the way we can examine this question is to break down what attraction is.
Attraction can typically be broken down into platonic, aesthetic, intellectual, romantic, and sexual attraction. Platonic specifically deals with being drawn or attracted to having a friendship with another person. This is probably the most common form of attraction that people have. Aesthetic attraction, while it can easily bleed into sexual attraction, specifically focuses on whether or not someone's physical appearance interests you or compels you. The best way I can describe this is the sensation of knowing whether or not I think a girl is pretty or cute even though I'm not sexually attracted to her in any way. Intellectual attraction is being compelled or drawn to someone's personality or finding someone extremely mentally stimulating. Romantic attraction is being drawn to someone out of a sense of love and companionship that is more spiritual or intense than a platonic relationship but still not necessarily sexual. Finally, sexual attraction is specifically being drawn to a person out of a desire to form a sexual relationship with someone, usually due to some combination of enjoying someone's looks, personality, and previous relationship history.
It is inherently transphobic to be repulsed by a trans* person because of their gender identity and expression. I would be incredibly transphobic if I refused to form relationships of any kind with trans* identifying people. However, the point Scarcella was trying to make was that she has no issue with dating trans-women or even finding trans-women attractive. Her issue comes with that she is uncomfortable with having any sex involving penises, and this includes with trans* identifying women. She goes to great lengths to make sure she's clear that a lack of sexual attraction does not invalidate one's gender, but she makes an interesting point in that there is a contextual or connotative difference between female and woman or male and man.
So here's my question for you: Is it transphobic for me to feel uncomfortable having sex with anyone with female sex characteristics assuming that includes trans-men who have not had any form of hormone therapies or sexual surgery? Personally, I have no problem with having a sexual relationship with a trans* person, and I'm open to testing the boundaries of my sexual identity to a reasonable extent. However, I genuinely want to know what the trans* community thinks about this because I can see a variety of legitimate yet conflicting answers to this question.
