An Interview With My Agender, Panromantic/Asexual Friend | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

An Interview With My Agender, Panromantic/Asexual Friend

"I find it a lot easier to come out as panromantic/asexual than agender."

559
An Interview With My Agender, Panromantic/Asexual Friend
GDJ

I have many friends in the LGBT+ community and a lot of them have multiple overlapping identities between their gender and sexuality. For this week, I thought it would interesting to interview my agender, panromatic/asexual friend, who for the purposes of this interview will be named APAF, since they are still not fully out with their identity. My friend claims multiple identities that are still struggling to be accepted both within, and outside of the LGBT+ community. By interviewing ter (they use the pronouns ter/ter in replacement of she/her), I am hoping to bring some awareness to their identity and the identities of other people.

APAF: I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm ready to party!

Me: Nice! So, when did you realize you were agender? How did you realize this?

APAF: Freshman year????? The word she started bugging me, and then I sat down with a friend and we started talking about gender stuff. I realized that I didn't identify as male or female, if that makes sense?

Me: Sure! Can you explain how you didn't feel male or female?

APAF: uh, all I know is that the word she made me feel really uncomfortable when everyone used it.

Me: Was it painful when people used the pronouns?

APAF: not really, just uncomfortable. Agender wasn't something I realized I could be until someone explained it to me. Then it was like something started clicking and it took a few months for me to understand what everything was, but then it kind of made sense.

Me: How do you feel now as someone who is mostly out to friends as agender?

APAF: I feel a lot better. And I can actually be myself, and my friends actually use my pronouns, which is amazing. I feel free, like I can dress as androgynous (looking neither male nor female) as I want without being judged for it.

Me: Have there been any moments where being agender has been difficult? Like reactions, or experiences?

APAF: I know one. I didn't fully come out to my parents, but they've kind of realized. My mom told me straight to my face that I am female and there is no question about it.

Me: How did it feel when she said that to you? Someone who is supposed to accept you no matter what?

APAF: It was like, the ultimate rejection. Because you have somebody who has told you, your whole life, that they will accept you no matter what, and then they tell you that. I felt like fleeing the house, because it felt like an unsafe environment after that...

Me: Where you couldn't be yourself...

APAF: Yeah...

Me: I'm so sorry. That's horrible.

APAF: I still remember that vividly. Another is though I am out to a couple people, there is always coming out. I have to tell everyone as soon as I meet them that I am agender and I have to wonder if they will accept me and use the right pronouns. If I don't tell them, then I have to sit while they use female pronouns, making me shudder every time. then you have to pretend that it doesn't bug you; you have to get a thick skin, because there's nothing you can do about it.

Me: And how does it feel when people accept you as agender?

APAF: Uh, it's really nice when people accept you, because you can be yourself around them. And you know that they're not judging for being the way you are.

Me: Yeah, because you can't change your gender!

APAF: True! But there are still times when I do something that is either too masculine or too feminine, and I get really uncomfortable. Because when you do lean too much towards one side, you worry about people thinking or saying, "wow, that person is female/male", which is not my gender identity. Everything is gendered, and it's really hard to get in the middle or it, or escape gender all together. It's also an inside struggle because you start questioning, maybe I'm not agender, and I have just been pretending. For example, I just recently became comfortable wearing dresses again, which are like the which are like, the ideal of femininity.

Me: Yeah, that makes sense. You don’t want to be identified as any gender, so you don’t want to wear things that our society would label as that gender.

APAF: Yeah, basically.

Me: Nice! This is so interesting and cool! Do you want to move onto your gender and sexuality?

APAF: Sure! *moves hands* Jazz hands!!!

Me: Okay, so you are panromantic/asexual. Can you just, like, explain what those are first?

APAF: F**k. Um, yeah, I just have to figure out how to define them first. Panromantic is attraction, like romantic attraction to all genders. And asexual is feeling little to no interest in sexual activities or sex.

Me: And for you, romantic and sexual attractions are separate? Which is thing that people can feel.

APAF: Yep. For the asexual, I have never been interested in sex, and every relationship I have ever been in, I have never wanted to have sex. Or if they mentioned sex, I became super uncomfortable. Then, like, panromantic, I realized when I was romantically attracted to my childhood friend, and then my current boyfriend, who is transgender (female-to-male).

Me: Cool, have you come out to a lot of people as being ‘gay’ as you like to say?

APAF: Actually, yeah. There’s a lot people that know, I find it a lot easier to come out as panromantic/asexual than agender.

Me: Really?

APAF: Yeah. Although coming out as gay is hard, people are more ready to accept my sexuality than my gender.

Me: Why do you think that is?

APAF: From what I’ve seen, society sees all the new genders as fads and trends, or they think that people are over exaggerating. Like, people just want to have something special and unique, they don’t really see being something not within the traditional binary as a real thing. And there’s been more awareness for different sexualities, and although it is not, like, fully accepted, it is still seems easier for people to say that someone’s sexuality is valid, and not so easy for people to say the same thing about different genders.

Me: If you had any words of wisdom for people questioning their gender identity, what would they be?

APAF: Take it slow, you don’t have to figure it out in a day. Experiment with pronouns, like with a pronoun generator you can find on the web. And it’s okay to switch pronouns, and try different ones. If it ends up changing, that’s okay. Because you’re figuring it out as you go, and you don’t figure it out immediately.

Me: Thanks so much for letting me interview you, I can’t wait to see what people say in response to this article.

APAF: In the words of Thomas Sanders, “Thanks guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Peace out!”

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Kardashians
W Magazine

Whether you love them or hate them, it's undeniable the Kardashian/ Jenner family has built an enormous business empire. Ranging from apps, fashion lines, boutiques, beauty products, books, television shows, etc. this bunch has shown they are insane business moguls. Here are seven reasons why the Kardashian/ Jenner family should be applauded for their intelligent business tactics.

Keep Reading...Show less
friends
Photo by Elizeu Dias on Unsplash

If I have learned one thing in my lifetime, it is that friends are a privilege. No one is required to give you their company and yet there is some sort of shared connection that keeps you together. And from that friendship, you may even find yourself lucky enough to have a few more friends, thus forming a group. Here are just a few signs that prove your current friend group is the ultimate friend group.

Keep Reading...Show less
ross and monica
FanPop

When it comes to television, there’s very few sets of on-screen siblings that a lot of us can relate to. Only those who have grown up with siblings knows what it feels like to fight, prank, and love a sibling. Ross and Monica Geller were definitely overbearing and overshared some things through the series of "Friends," but they captured perfectly what real siblings feel in real life. Some of their antics were funny, some were a little weird but all of them are completely relatable to brothers and sisters everywhere.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Types Of Sorority Girls

Who really makes up your chapter...

3207
Sorority Girls
Owl Eyes Magazine

College is a great place to meet people, especially through Greek life. If you look closely at sororities, you'll quickly see there are many different types of girls you will meet.

1. The Legacy.

Her sister was a member, her mom was a member, all of her aunts were members, and her grandma was a member. She has been waiting her whole life to wear these letters and cried hysterically on bid day. Although she can act entitled at times, you can bet she is one of the most enthusiastic sisters.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

10 Reasons Why Life Is Better In The Summertime

Winter blues got you down? Summer is just around the corner!

2793
coconut tree near shore within mountain range
Photo by Elizeu Dias on Unsplash

Every kid in college and/or high school dreams of summer the moment they walk through the door on the first day back in September. It becomes harder and harder to focus in classes and while doing assignments as the days get closer. The winter has been lagging, the days are short and dark, and no one is quite themselves due to lack of energy and sunlight. Let's face it: life is ten times better in the summertime.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments