1. There’s nothing like a Trump meme to kick things off: we all know there have been plenty during this campaign season. Donald Trump’s never-changing hairdo has been a topic of conversation since… well, since he grew hair. No one can really tell what it is. Is it a comb-over? Is it a toupee? Is it just his personal way of jazzing up his receding hairline? No one knows, but I sure hope Ivanka gets her mom’s genes.
2. This one really is timeless. Male, female, DOG… We have all had that experience with the haircut from hell- the kind that turns your eyes into kiddie pools full of broken hopes. Although we may be left reluctant to show our faces in school or at the office, the good thing is: it’s JUST A HAIRCUT and it
3. Being back at school makes this one especially relevant. I guess the whole “I dismiss you, not the bell” attitude gets less prevalent in teachers as we grow up and assume more responsibility, but it’s probably safe to say we all have at least one of those high-and-mighty professors that just HAS to say this the second he hears papers rustling into folders and backpacks unzipping. YES, WE GET IT: you’re still talking and it’s kind of rude, but we have more classes to sleep through, gross dining hall food to eat, Netflix to binge, and well-deserved, mid-day naps to take and you’re really getting in the way of it.
4. I think we can all admit to having a split personality when it comes to our behavior around adults and our behavior around our friends. For example, I stopped saying “God bless you” to my friends the day I stopped wearing pants around them, but if we are at the dinner table and your grandma sneezes, you can bet your 401K I’m giving that angel the sign of the cross and reciting that one Psalm I still have memorized from high school. And don’t tell me I’m the only one.
5. This one goes out to all the women out there with expectations as high as the Empire State building and the guys who feel like they need to spend their whole
6. Liquor courage is absolutely a REAL THING, people. Start scrolling through social media after a few cold ones and you’ll turn into the Mother Theresa of doling out likes and favorites. Not to mention the social encounters that would never in a million years happen if you hadn’t previously been pumping your body full of twisted teas and boxed wine. It can turn that girl down the hall with the resting bitch face into the best pong partner of the century for the night. But don’t be fooled by the smiles and ten thousand selfies with your “new faves”, you’ll go back to hating each other in the morning (until the next party).
7. For those of you who don’t speak Spanish, “
8. I can’t be the only person in the world this one speaks to. Everyone handles their emotions differently, but when I’m upset, if you touch me, hug me, even LOOK at me the wrong way, I’ll drown you in a monsoon of my tears saltier than a 12 pack of ramen before you can even realize what hit you. If you can keep it together in a time of crisis, power to you- you can just stand by and watch while I turn into the Niagra.
9. Finals week, move in day, cramming for that impossible chemistry exam, you name it: we have all had those days during which you’re neck deep in flashcards, borrowed notes, and a cesspool of books you didn’t read and all you can do is hold back the tears, fake a smile, and hope that it eventually turns into a real one.
10. Ladies, you don’t have to be a huge sports fan to understand how true this one is. You could know the first and last names of every player on the team, their position, AND their birthdays, but if you don’t know how many blades of grass there are on the left side under the bench in the dug out at Fenway Park, there is absolutely NO WAY YOU’RE A TRUE FAN. On a serious note, just because we might not be able to talk stats with you doesn’t mean we don’t get that same knot in our stomachs when our team gets that win.
11. There will never be a moment more frightening than the second you see your (not-so) best friend hit you with that screenshot. After all, its your BEST FRIEND- who knows what kind of nonsense you sent. It could have been that one you took so close to your face you could count your nostril hairs, or it could be that one with crossed eyes and ten chins. Guess you’ll never know… until it ends up on twitter.
12. You don’t have to be an avid tea-drinker like I am to appreciate the truth behind this one. If your friends are really your friends, all you have to do is send a “I gotta tell you guys something” text to the groupchat and in 3 seconds, they’ll be gathered around your desk like its 18th century tea-time.
13. If you try to say you don’t do this, you’re lying to yourself. A microwave beep during the day time gets drowned out by your mom’s dumb cooking show and your dog barking at every inanimate object in the room, but at night when you’re heating up your 2am leftovers, that beep sounds like an AK47 was fired while a stampede of elephants twerk in your living room.
14. Thankfully, we are part of one of the most progressive and accepting generations, but there will always be people who judge and disapprove of anything from our hair right down to our shoes. Now that fall is coming and we are all settled back into school, some of us are buying new fall boots and cute party heels. Although the more daring shoe choices might seem like a good idea to us, someone somewhere in the world probably thinks they’re the grossest pair of shoes their eyes have ever had the displeasure of seeing. PAY NO MIND to these haters (or just toss them the middle toe).
15. Maybe it’s just me, but if grandma tells me kids eat first, I could be 53 and married with grandkids of my own and I’d still dig out my Cinderella costume from Halloween in first grade if it means I’ll get first dibs on the garlic bread.
