People will reach the point of feeling completely lost, containing within themselves everything that's come within their path, unable and lost within the deep premises of a wandering soul. Brittle, but in some beautiful way or another, still put together.
We wish to know what we were put on this Earth for, what our vocation is, what we're called to do, but we have not one idea where to start. So, what do we do instead? We drown in sorrows of amnesia drinks and numbing herb to help us feel just a little bit better. Many may say it's just for fun, it's just to be social, but when you ask yourself when the last time you withheld a silence amongst you and you only, we turn around and ignore. I'm not saying this is everyone, this is for all the beautifully lost, wandering, dazed souls that lie within our physical selves trying to bust out of a societally driven zombie, no offense.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just to hold on. I write these posts to get things out in the open, but the slight possibility of someone relating makes my heart thump. We come on this Earth feeding ourselves these lies and need to conform. I beat myself up so badly knowing I don't fit in, I've expressed it and do receive feedback, don't get me wrong I appreciate it, but hearing "you're born to stand out" really just weighs me after the 30th time of it being repeated.
It's really important, though, to have the ability of stepping into your soul, this means putting all worry of others aside and regarding that YOU are the only one with the power to dictate your life and your feelings, like choice theory. Yes, it's wonderful having support and love from those we want it from, but I have learned and incredible amount just by being able to sit in a room wrapped in a sheet of solitude.
Many are afraid of this, but solitude is okay. It's necessary to BE yourself BY yourself. I learned to really feel loneliness in all of its ways possible, but it's not all that bad. I would like to say I'm a pretty outgoing person, but that has changed so much in the past four years of college because I've allowed myself to gain a deeper understanding of who I am as a person and my personal needs. I tend to be shy and I DESPISE small talk, like really, I don't care about your new blue nail polish or the classes you're taking, I want to hear your soul speak out, tell me your adventures, your sorrows, your struggles, your successes, it's just hard to find people comfortable enough to do that the way I do, and it's usually interpreted the way it shouldn't.
Extroversion doesn't mean you're outgoing and introversion doesn't mean you hate people, this is a common misconception; simply it's where you receive the most energy from. An extrovert receives his or her energy from the outside, so friends, peers, families, partners; introverts receive their energy internally, from being alone or in quiet spaces where there's not much interaction. You can be the most outgoing introvert or the most shy extrovert.
We should all challenge ourselves to try and be in solitude just a little bit more. It's quite a wonderful experience when you actually find the purpose behind it. You open up a whole new world, you discover yourself, you find your frustrations and flaws and problems but also the laughs, the perks, the not so problematic things in life. Self love can be found within the solitude you provide yourself with, but resisting the fear is where many fall.
This sense of loss has come along, wearing you down for a while. Reasons? No fucking clue, which is probably the most frustrating feelings ever. Regardless, I urge anyone having this same feeling to delve into the feeling, but this doesn't have to be done alone. Dissect the emotion, feel the emotion, process the emotion, and give yourself the strength and confidence to know this too shall pass, whether this is with someone by your side or in complete solitude, it is possible. We grow from these experiences, we have to keep an open mind, but we grow. We learn the hurt molds a warrior, we learn the deception molds a not so trusting person, we learn the egotistical faults form humility.
For any person who always feels alone, brittle, hanging by a string, know there are people rooting for you, and if not, BE THAT PERSON FOR YOURSELF. We are meant for greatness, but believe in yourself and don't necessarily trust another to do this for you. Love yourself, expose yourself to the raw truth of the cruel world and acknowledge not everyone is here to see you succeed or shine. For those people who are there, don't push them away, and believe me, these people exist, as hard as it may be to believe in a hazed, exhausted, tired person's mind. Even if you can count them on one hand, they are with you. It's easy to forget about these things when you're sight is being clouded by plausible reasons. Just remember to take a step back once in a while. It's hard to say that because I despise when people tell me that, and it took me a lot of time to realize this, sometimes I still struggle with it; however, taking a step back is helpful because you can reminisce upon the beauty of your life. You have fought time and time again to stand where you are right now. You have battled and cried and seen darkness and failures, but you've also seen a human being flourish, become resilient, become better each and every day, isn't that what should count the most? We cannot compare ourselves to one another, remember there is only one YOU in this whole entire world, and you're meant for greatness, success, excellence, growth, to become exemplary examples to others, but more importantly, to ourselves. You matter. Step into your soul and find the soulmate you seek within yourself.
