The title says it all, I am a girl who cannot—not even to save my life—make decisions. Any kind of decision whatsoever. It’s not a matter of I won’t make decisions, but that I simply can’t. I am absolutely terrible at the painstaking task of making a choice. I’ve become known for my inability to make decisions and my talent at forcing others to make decisions for me.
I’m the type of girl that doesn’t even have a dream wedding for my future. I’m so indecisive I’m going to let my future fiancé make most of the decisions (although he may be just as stubborn as I am). What kind of girl is willing to relinquish the power of planning a wedding, you ask? Me.
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The first time I went out with a guy (still not sure if it ever qualified as a date, a friendship date?) we spent over an hour texting back and forth deciding where to go. He thought he was being gentlemanly letting me decide—little did he know the turmoil racking my brain. We went to Panera after I coerced him into deciding; ever since then we always met at Panera for lunch in order to avoid any further decision making.
I’ve become known for my copout answers. "Maybe", "Surprise me!", "Whatever is easiest for you" and "I’ll get back to you later" are some of the few phrases I use. Anything to avoid a direct answer. Heck, when I was in middle school, my best friend and I made a die that had different decision making answers on it: yes, no, ask Em (her sister), etc.
All of this appears to be a lot of work to avoid the opportunities that many people dream of having. But, I promise you there is a rhyme and reason to it all.
Here is all you need to know about a girl who can’t make a decision:
I am petrified by my fear of disappointing someone.
I am a people-pleaser, peace-keeper kind of person (say that 5 times fast). I grew up as the middle child and fought to avoid conflict like Switzerland. I strive to remain neutral in all situations and I don’t take sides. But, I do work to settle any fighting and disagreements. Ultimately I want everyone to be happy (shhh, I know it’s a bit cliché). Making decisions terrifies me because I don’t want to cause conflict if I choose wrong. I don’t want to disappoint someone. My friends even joke that if someone random dropped down to one knee and proposed, I’d say yes. Merely from the fear of disappointing someone. And honestly, this is a valid fear.
Even if someone says they really don’t care about something, I live with the constant fear that deep down they really do. Despite my inability to make decisions, I truly do have opinions, deep, strong opinions about things. But, I bite my tongue and wait for someone else to say something. This has led me to have the belief that everyone somehow, someway has a preference. I live with the constant paranoia that they are biting their tongue too. However, I want them to be happy and make the decision that best leads to that happiness.
I do know that this is a ridiculous notion; yet it is one that I find impossible to set aside.
Another wall that I hit when it comes to making decisions is my fear of making the wrong decision. Everyone has this fear at some point in their life, but I seem to have it to an extreme degree. I worry about how every teeny-tiny decision I make throughout the day could affect my life in the long run. I worry about which hair tie I put in my hair in the morning, afraid that this may be the day that it snaps. I put off getting gas until I nearly have to push my car to the gas station because I’m afraid that the minute I put gas in my car, I’ll see a lower rate elsewhere.
Granted, sometimes it is the worst decisions that become our best decisions. However, you simply cannot know that until the end.
Despite my wish to appease everyone, I also know that A) that’s not always possible and B) my indecisiveness drives people nuts.
My roommates these past couple years work hard to rid me of my indecisiveness. They don’t want to look back and realize that they were mere enablers! This doesn’t always work though. My roommates, me, and another friend as indecisive as I (more so because he simply didn’t appear to care), once sat in our car at a gas station for an extended length of time while we waited on someone to decide what we should do with our evening. I put the car in park and we just sat there…and waited…and waited…
So you may be noticing a bit of a pattern with my indecisiveness. It takes time. I need time.
Please, the one thing that you can do for me and all the other indecisive people in your life is to be patient.
Be patient with me when I change my mind.
Be patient with me when I refuse a straight answer.
Be patient with me when I, on the rare occasion, do voice my opinion. If I don’t want to play Catan, don’t make me play Catan.
I can promise I’m not being indecisive for the sole purpose of driving you crazy—although I do get a kick out of that sometimes.
Be patient with me as I learn to accept that there are decisions that only I can make, and I promise you that the decisions I do make are the kind worth waiting for.
