When it comes to solving a problem or making a decision, I always have to consider every possibility and every consequence. My mind is always working, I feel like it never shuts off and it is the reason that it takes me a really long time to fall asleep some nights. Sometimes I feel like my mind does more worrying than anything else. I always worry about every little thing and how it will affect not only myself, but everyone that I know or the people around me. When I say every little thing, I mean everything including things or scenarios that some people would never even imagine.
This all really started once I entered high school. There were times that I would wake up in the middle of the night and go to the kitchen to check my book bag to make sure that I did all of my homework or to make sure that all of my books were back in my bag. I had to do this in the middle of the night because I knew that if I waited until the morning I would drive myself crazy thinking about it. Whenever a thought comes into my mind, it will not go away until either I check whatever I am thinking about, or until the thought is proven. Another thing I always worried about was making people angry with me or wondering if they were mad at me. It got to the point where if people would not respond to text messages within five minutes I would start to think they were mad at me and didn't want to respond. I would tell myself that they didn't have a reason to be mad or that they were probably just busy, but none of it helped until they would reply to me and prove that they are not mad. When it comes to grades on assignments and tests, I am harder on myself than anyone else is. Even after an assignment is turned in or a test is taken, I am constantly worried about it until I get it back.
Recommended for you
I always try to calm myself down and tell myself that everything will work out and be okay, but nothing ever works. My mind is constantly going, it never stops. I know I drive other people crazy with it, because I'm constantly repeating what I'm worried about over and over again, or asking if they think someone is mad at me. Although it helps a little bit to say what I'm thinking about out loud, all of the worries never really go away unless they are proven wrong or right. There are some things that I am still worried about, that I have been thinking about for months or maybe even years. As much as it drives me crazy still, I have gotten used to how my mind works and that it is always going. I know it will never go away, but I hope that as I get older, I will be able to calm down, start worrying less, and just take things as they come.
